bitch fits

A new start

2011-05-15T21:31:00.002+08:00

Dear visitors of my blog!

I have..

MOVED.

Ps. If you wish to know my new blog link, pls sms me (unless you have otherwise been informed personally, by me)

Thank you.

a hole inside my heart

2011-04-12T23:00:00.004+08:00

RIP
TweedleDee aka Naughty
You will always be remembered

Love,
Your family

work

2011-04-08T13:30:00.004+08:00

3 or 5 Kosa Kata to be done every week

1 book summary to be done every week

Is that enough weekly homework for my P4s (not inclusive of occasional worksheets and composition writing)?

3 sets of pictures for oral picture description practice

Reading aloud session in class every alternate days

Conversation topics (yet to be confirmed)

THEIR ORAL EXAM IS ON NEXT FRIDAY!! 0.o

5 sets of Lembaran Kerja(worksheets) consisting of:

- Imbuhan

- Peribahasa

- Lengkapkan Ayat

- Prosedur Kloz

- Kefahaman Subjektif

Is it enough resources to last me till their Mid-Year exam? Is it too much or too little?

Mother Tongue Week

2011-04-02T12:49:00.003+08:00

Last week was Mother Tongue Week at Clementi Primary School.

One of the main highlights of the school was its Mother Tongue Carnival on Thursday, held at the school. So, the Mother Tongue Department had been busy since Monday to get all the props ready for the carnival.

Wednesday was our busiest when the school hall was finally cleared for us to put up our stuff. My fellow Malay teachers and I stayed back till 5pm.

Then, the next morning, we were in the school hall again, as early as 7.45am, for last minute touch-ups of our game stalls and booth.

END RESULT:

Our Kueh Display

Our Kampong Scene

Oh, not forgetting, I was one of the camera-women for the day. :D

So I was practically running around trying to take as much ~~quality~~ pictures of everything as possible. The Kampong Scene, The Kueh Display, pupils admiring our Kampong Scene and Kueh Display..

Students enjoying our gamestalls..

Students enjoying our traditional Malay games..

So at the end of the day...

I WAS DAMN SHAGGED!!! :/

However, check out Clementi Primary's very own..

Dayang Intan Payung!

Puteri Radin Mas Ayu!

Pak Pandir!

Mat Jenin!

And..

Hang Kebun!

Oh, plenty of "Malay Couples" too! :p

Two of Clementi Primary's autistic students enjoying themselves.

IT WAS TRULY A GREAT DAY! :D

down memory lane

2011-03-23T19:32:00.002+08:00

Lagu tiga kupang
Saku penuh padi
Enam ekor burung
Masuk dalam kuali

Bila sudah masak
Burung nyanyi saja
Tentu sedap makan
Beri pada raja
Raja dalam rumah
Buat kira-kira
Suri dalam dapur
Makan roti gula
Dayang tepi kolam
Mahu jemur tepung
Datang burung hitam
Pagut batang hidung
Hidung... hidung... hidung

Potong bebek angsa
Masak dikuali
Nona minta dansa
Dansa empat kali
Sorong ke kiri
Sorong ke kanan
Lala lala lala lala la la la
Sorong ke kiri
Sorong ke kanan
Lala lala lala lala la la la.

Air pasang pagi
Surut pukul lima
Bangun pagi-pagi
Siram pokok bunga
Pokok bunga melur

Tanam tepi batas
Itik bertelur
Ayam menetas

Bintang kecil
Di langit yang tinggi
Amat banyak
Menghias angkasa
Aku ingin
Terbang dan menari
Jauh tinggi
Di tempat kau berada

Burung kakatua
Hinggap di jendela
Nenek sudah tua
Giginya tinggal dua.
Letchum letchum letchum ooh la la

Letchum letchum letchum ooh la la

Letchum letchum letchum ooh la la
Burung kakatua.

Lihat kebunku
Penuh dengan bunga
Ada yang putih
Dan ada yang merah
Setiap hari kusiram semua
Mawar melati
Semuanya indah.

Masih ingat lagi tak lagu-lagu ni semua? Well there's still a few more which i can't recall. But I just got reminded of them in school just now. Thanks to my Primary 2 students.

SO ADORABLE!!

TPP

2011-03-22T22:08:00.008+08:00

Imagine waking up at 5.45am (I'm a sloth in the mornings, you see)

Leave house at 6.45am

Take 157 or 66 for 16 bus-stops

Alight and take 75 for another 25 bus-stops

(Time taken = 1.5hours++) FOR 2 DAYS!!

And then you have to take the same route home when you end at 5.30pm.

Which means i will only reach home around 7pm.

Well I must be crazy then.

But to pursue what I want, I'm willing.

Bah! Who would ever believe I actually just said that?

The things SOME people would do for something they're passionate about.

Anyways, despite the time, I still enjoyed my 2 days training at the Teachers' Network @ Grange Rd.

A truly fun and fulfilling Teacher Preparatory Programme.

Gained some insight, some new experiences, some much-needed words of wisdom, some precautionary measures and DEFINITELY some new friends.

awesome! :D

And he turns 50..

2011-03-18T23:18:00.001+08:00

SURPRISE!!

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to Ayah
Happy Birthday to You!
**clapclapclap**

Ayah blows candle.

Ayah cuts cake.

We sit down and share the cake.

And for that one moment, it was absolute bliss.

As if nothing was wrong. As if no one was harbouring ill-feelings or dissatisfaction towards another. As if none bore any grudges. As if everyday of our lives were filled with perfect moments like this.

I LOVE THESE MOMENTS.

Question is..

Why can't they stay permanent?

Crossroad

2011-03-14T18:15:00.002+08:00

It's been exactly a month since I last updated.

No, I'm not being lazy. Truthfully speaking, there are plenty of things I would have liked to share on this blog, considering the THOUSANDS (cehh.. thousands konon.. padahal baru 15..) of blog drafts I have on my blog dashboard.

BUT. The million dollar question being..

WHY AREN'T THIS POSTS PUBLISHED????

The reason being that what I thought was MY PRIVATE BLOG is now no longer private. Thanks to my BIMBO MOMENT OF EXTREME STUPIDITY. God knows how long has my blog link been up on my FB wall, and even worse, ONLY GOD KNOWS how many "stalkers" have been clicking on that link to view my blog and guilty of voyeurism of my personal life.

I mean, seriously. Who in the bloody right mind would be dumb enough to publish your PERSONAL blog link on your FB wall right!?
Me, duh.

Hence that's why, my blog is seldom updated. There are times when I will write a really emotional post, or a very personal post, or something which I'd rather the whole world remain oblivious to (except that handful of people who I KNOW that drop by my blog). Now that it has gone public, I have to be mindful of what I write, or whom I'm referring to, etc.

I have thought about changing my blog link. But, it's kinda "leceh" to change blog link, then have to go update my friends, blah blah blah. Besides, I kinda like HANGING-DISCOBALL. SO, NO! I WON'T CHANGE IT! **stomps foot stubbornly**

Well, this sucks.

So how now, brown cow?

he loves me, he loves me not.

2011-02-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

Valentines' day.

Bah humbug!

Normally that would be my response as any other years. But I don't know why this year, it feels different. I wasn't always like this, if you must know.

I grew up with Disney movies, Pocahontas, Cinderella, Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Beauty and The Beast, The Little Mermaid, etc. You name it. I've watched it.

So when I was young, I believed it all. They taught me the existence of once upon a time, love at first sight, soul-mates, everlasting love, true love's kiss, love triumphs above all, love against all odds, and most importantly, happily ever after.

But as I grew up, all of it began to fade. I watched as every thing that I once believed in fall apart. I watched as more and more relationships fall apart. I watched as communication recedes. So I stopped believing, I stopped deluding myself, I stopped creating fantasies. I.LOST.FAITH.

So I create a wall around myself, brick by boring brick, to block out any possible feelings I might have for someone. Or anyone. I treat attention and affection with indifference. I choose to play dumb and ignorant. Safeguarding myself. And my heart.

I have to admit that I do get a little smug every now and then whenever I see couples fighting/arguing or when break-ups/relationship-failures occur. I kept thinking "Thank God I don't have to go through that. Ever!" or "See? When you open your heart, you're only exposing yourself to more hurt and pain."

But once in a while, when I'm in a melancholic mood, I can't help but feel a little lonely sometimes. I CRAVE someone to SMS/call, someone to cuddle, someone to hug me, make me feel better, to tell me everything's going to be alright, kiss me on my forehead, stuff like that.

But then, where the hell could you find a guy like that, a guy who is at my beck and call? (Think what!? Dog ah!?) When I want him, he will always be there for me, but when I feel suffocated, he will just "disappear" till I have a need for him again. No strings attached. Any takers?

Hahahaha. Didn't think so.

What is love?

2011-02-10T00:26:00.004+08:00

What is LOVE?

Is your heart racing, your palms sweaty and your voice caught within your chest?
It's not LOVE. It's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of him?
It's not LOVE. It's LUST.

Do you feel proud and eager to show him off?
It's not LOVE. It's PRIDE.

Do you want him because you know he's there?
It's not LOVE. It's LONELINESS.

Are you with him because it's what everyone wants?
It's not LOVE. It's LOYALTY.

Are you with him because he kissed you or held your hand?
It's not LOVE. It's LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for his confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt him?
It's not LOVE. It's PITY.

Do you belong to him because just the sight of him makes your heart skip a beat?
It's not LOVE. It's INFATUATION.

Do you forgive his faults because you care about him?
It's not LOVE. It's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell him everyday that he is the only one you think of?
It's not LOVE. It's A LIE.

Are you willing to give up all your favourite things for his sake?
It's not LOVE. It's CHARITY.

so whaddup to all you lovers out there!

IN-YOUR-FACES!! :p

Answered prayer

2011-02-08T12:12:00.002+08:00

I got it!! After two weeks of waiting in pure agony, I got it!! Would love to share with everyone who reads this humble blog of mine, but I shall keep this to myself for awhile. You know, just in case, I jinx it or sth. Later, end up, I get hurt or disappointed, all over again. So, just bear with me for awhile and be happy for me first, aitez!? :D

Dr Doom

2011-02-01T19:51:00.002+08:00

I used to think that there is no way out of this. All of us will be stuck like this till the day we gain our own independence. Or till the day each of us heave our last breath.

But then, tragedy struck. Slowly, we all started gathering again. We learn to support each other again, licking each others wounds, learning to share again. And once again, I thought maybe, just maybe, there is hope for us after all.

But I guess some things are just not meant to be. We all revert back to our old ways. And once again, things were back to the way they were.

Trust your instincts, they all say. I guess I was right the first time. We're doomed. Doomed till the day we die.

And people wonder why I lost faith in this kind of things.

Go figure.

high of a love, drunk from the hate

2011-01-24T16:46:00.003+08:00

So I'm back as promised. As you know, it's been barely a month into the new year and yet, I am quite filled with hate already. I guess 2011 is not the year for me.

I HATE people who refuse to move to the back of the bus or the middle of the train, fully aware that there are still many commuters who would like to board.

I HATE people who flag the bus or press the bell at the very last minute causing the bus driver to jam-brake in order to stop at the designated bus-stop.

I HATE people who refuse to give up their seats on the bus or train to those in need, choosing to pretend to sleep instead.

I HATE fussy customers.

I HATE people who seem to be unable to be on time for anything ALL-THE-FUCKING-TIME.

I HATE people who parade around with their boyfriend or girlfriend, touching, smooching or PDA-ing in public for all to see as if they are the only couple on the planet who is madly in **cough**love**cough**.

I HATE couple T-shirts.

I HATE people who satisfy their lust on children.

I HATE people who abuse animals, regardless of the size.

I HATE people who just stand by the sidelines, video cameras or video phones at ready, recording the abuse and doing nothing to help.

I HATE people who are selfish, who are not grateful for what people have done for them and doing nothing in return.

I HATE people who are very very "MENTEL" towards guys, especially the people you work with, making themselves look like a bimbotic ass.

I HATE people who absolutely refuse to upgrade themselves and learn new stuff, preferring to work at the same station, over and over again, just so they can "MENGGATAL".

and last of all,

I HATE people who choose to ruin a perfectly good friendship or working relationship by falling for the other party.

Arise thee from beyond!

2011-01-23T22:11:00.001+08:00

I WILL SUMMON MY BLOGGING DRIVE.

I WILL SUMMON MY LAZY ASS TO SUMMON MY BLOGGING DRIVE.

TOMORROW I WILL UPDATE.

YES. I. WILL.

pandora's box

2011-01-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

There are many reasons, or sometimes, excuses, which I often give to people as to why I have an aversion towards relationships, marriage and having children.

1) Love makes people blind AND STUPID.
2) I don't do relationships.
3) I'm philophobic (an irrational fear of love and intimacy).
4) I can't commit. I'm a commitment-phobe.
5) I'm not good with kids.

etc

etc

etc

Though the abovementioned excuses may be true, I think that the real reason I can't do it is because I'm afraid that someday I'll end up like HER.

God forbid! 0.o

jodoh and cinta

2010-12-23T01:28:00.004+08:00

Cinta adalah permulaan jodoh. Dan jodoh, terbahagi pada tiga.

Pertama. Jodoh dari SYAITAN.
Adam dan Hawa berkenalan, berpegangan tangan dan terus buat maksiat. Akhirnya, Hawa mengandung, baru menikah.

Kedua. Jodoh dari JIN.
Adam dan Hawa berkenalan. Adam sukakan Hawa, tapi Hawa tidak sukakan Adam. Adam bomohkan dan sihirkan agar Hawa suka dengan Adam dan mereka berdua menikah.

Ketiga. Jodoh dari ALLAH.
Adam dan Hawa berpandangan mata, terus menusuk ke kalbu. Adam terus meminang Hawa dan Hawa terima pinangan Adam dan mereka berdua, menikah.

Insya-Allah, berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat.

Dan itulah yang dikatakan, SYURGA CINTA. :)

when you suck at rollerblading

2010-12-14T16:04:00.000+08:00

I think most people know that I have developed a fear or some sort of aversion towards two-wheeled "vehicles". You know, bicycles, motorcycles, etc. I can't do the whole balance thing any more because everytime I find myself wobbling, I would picture something else..

So I think that I would have to be out of my damn-fuckin'-mind to attempt to move on 4 small wheels, aligned in a straight fashion, on each foot right? But I did. The pictures below would show you how.. erm.. "awesome" I was..

Step 1: Safety first!

So me and Harun (my cousin) got all geared up and ready to go!

Step 2: Baby steps!

You gotta learn how to walk first, before you even attempt running!

or you will end up like this..

Step 3: Practice makes perfect!

Keep on trying and never give up!

Step 4: Have fun!

Once you got the hang of it, everything's peachy, baby!

Wheeeeeeeeee!!

Look at me!!

I'm rollerblading!!

Even if it knocks you on your ass..

or knees..

Just strike a pose..

Laugh out loud..

And say, "Yee-haw!!"

Ah! Sweet success! :D

library in progress

2010-12-13T20:43:00.002+08:00

I WANT THIS!!

It is absolutely essential towards fulfilling my goal of a personal library!!

RAWR!!

one-way ticket

2010-12-10T19:57:00.003+08:00

Do you ever had the experience of wanting to help an elderly or a physically-disabled person, but never got to do so despite the person in question being right in front of you?

I did. Plenty of times.

One example. Giving up seats on the bus or the MRT. Sometimes I see people who need those seats more than me and I had thought about giving my seat to them (even if it's not a reserved seat) but I never get to do so since others always beat me to it. Then I will feel really guilty for having a seat and always imagine other commuters giving me evil stares for being so inconsiderate.

Since then, I always choose to stand in the bus or MRT (unless there are plenty of seats available) so I won't have to actually give up my seat as I am not sitting on one in the first place. Ya, I know. I'm psycho that way.

And then, there is today's incident. I was on my way to work when I encountered this visibly-challenged man at the bus-stop. I shall refuse to call him b***d. I feel like it's just plain in-your-face rude, even if it is the technical name for that disability.) I had noticed him before during my poly days, waiting for the SBS 198. When I saw a 198 approaching, I had the intention to ask him if he wanted to board that bus. But I didn't.

Maybe I just lack the courage to do something this big of a good deed. (It may not seem like a huge deal, helping a visibly-challenged man, but in my head, it is a huge deal, considering I can be a real cold-hearted bitch.)

Maybe it's the fear that the man or the people around me might think that I was being a busybody or a big show-off or something. The man might also think that I'm looking down on him, thinking that he is incapable of taking care of himself or getting himself somewhere.

Or maybe he wasn't waiting for a 198 at all, and that would like make me really2 paiseh.

So I didn't. Excuses, excuses. I know. But I can't help it, can I? I'm a pure-bred Singaporean, and for some reason, our mindsets are wired that way. To fear every single thing. Not to be risk-takers. To never do things that you are not really sure of.

But it turned out, being all that never helps. True enough, I found out that he was waiting for a 198, after that 198 has just passed. In my head, I was like, "FUCK!" and regretted not asking him.

So, my point is, I had a good intention. Just that, I did not act on it, for fear of many irrational things. Am I still going to hell for this?

call me sunshine, baby

2010-11-29T19:42:00.005+08:00

Heeeeeeheeeee!!!! :D

I is very happy today!!

I met my SEXY HEARTTHROB just now. He came by. My colleague was out buying dinner, so it was just me and him. My heart was beating so fast that I was afraid it would go into overdrive and I would have a cardiac arrest, right there and then. That wouldn't be cool on my front, would it?

~~But then again, maybe he knows CPR. He could give me mouth-to-mouth.~~
~~**dream-like state**~~

(Aper kau ni Aisyah! Ingat benda-benda tak senonoh! Mentel eh!)

But he really is SOOOOO SEXAAAAY!! Yes, I said sexaaaay. Not handsome, not adorable, not cute, not drop-dead gorgeous. Sexaaaay! Pleasant outlook, but rarely smiles or laugh though. But if you do catch his rare moments of smiles and laughter. DAYYYUM!! I think I can have an orgasm just from the sight! Even better when you're the reason he's smiling or laughing. **melts into a puddle of goo**

BUT that's not exactly the reason why I think he is so SEXAAAAY!! His hands! Oh my gawd! Don't you just love a guy who can work with his hands, like cutting stuff or fixing things. He looks even better when he is focused on a task. The look of concentration on his face. Ah! MAJOR HOTNESS!!

I LIKE!! :D

Ok fine! People have been asking me, and I keep saying I don't have any. I always say I just know if I like when I see for myself. I guess I was wrong. I admit! I do have a type!

I AM A MAJOR SUCKER FOR HOT CHINESE GUYS!

p/s. There! I've said it! Happy? =.=

my Ring File of Life

2010-11-22T19:33:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I really wish that my life was a book. A really thick book where stories of my life are penned in. My adventures(or the lack of it), my bouts of nervous breakdowns, my victorious moments, periods of heartbreak, times when my temper likened me to MT. ETNA, my skeptic point of view on **cough**love**cough** or life, my ever-sarcastic tongue and other stuff.

But mainly, I want it to be a book is so that I could remove certain things in my life. Just like that. **snaps fingers**

The memories you wish to forget. The sequence of events you wished never happened that made you wish you could turn back time and do it all over. The people you wished you have never crossed paths with in the first place.

Just imagine. If our life was a book, we could just tear these pages out. The chapters of our lives which we want removed. Everyone could start with a clean slate. No one gets judged. No one has to live and carry around the burden of pain, heartbreak and disappointment. Everyone's book will begin with a ONCE UPON A TIME, filled with only joyous moments and ends with a HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Ain't it just trippy?

But then again, maybe life as a book isn't such a fantastic idea. I mean, once we have torn those chapters of our lives out from the binds of the book, there are repercussions.

What if suddenly you decide that you do want those memories after all? Then what? You're going to re-live that moment again just so that memories is re-written again in your Book of Life?

What about those people whose existence you have decided to discard from your life? What if they are related to those whom you hold so close to your heart? How do you ensure that these people won't enter your life ever again? If they do, then what? You're going to rip away every single page that contains the name of the person?

Besides that, the ugly tear marks will be quite apparent, don't you think? Being the perfectionist that I am, if it was my Book of Life, I would have the friggin' urge to just throw it out the window or something. That would be highly impossible since it would mean throwing out my entire life existence, which means I would cease to exist. Then, in order to get a new book, I would have to be reborn, which requires the whole mating process again. Gahhhh!

And then, there's the spine of the book. With each page ripped out from the binds, the spine grows weaker. Should one day the spine gave way, all the pages of your life will be thrown into the wind. And you know what happens next? You will lose your sanity since your life is in pieces and all over the place. LITERALLY.

So, Book of Life. BAD CHOICE.

I have a proposition though. RING FILES! Every chapter of your life, each memory, encounters with each and every person, in clear folders and filed neatly. So whenever you want to remove something, or someone, from your life, all you have to do is just having to remove that particular clear folder. Should you want them back, just file it back in! Hah!

FANTABULOUS! :D

bye bye daddy

2010-11-08T21:03:00.000+08:00

DADDY flew off today. 11.5 hours in flight. 45 days of absence. im praying that he will go and come back, safe and sound.

it was quite an emotional scene back then. at the airport. after 5 years i finally see the affection once again. maybe there is still hope after all. im keeping my fingers crossed over this one. :)

one hell of a screwed-up family

2010-10-20T20:16:00.006+08:00

I'm sorry

I'm sorry that things didn't go as planned

I'm sorry that you had to bear all the burden

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain

I'm sorry that people just don't appreciate you

I'm sorry that the people you care for are putting others before you

I'm sorry the people you care for hurt your feelings

I'm sorry that some people betrayed you

There are multiple reasons to be sorry for. But all I can do is write them here. Why is it so hard for me, or us for that matter, to vocalize them? Why does it seem so hard for us to just reach out for you? Give you a hug, or perhaps a shoulder to lean/cry on. We may not be able to feel or understand your pain, but the least we could do is share it with you. But we just can't seem to do it. All we could ever do is just sit and listen, as if we are non-sympathetic or just seemed lost. Oh God. Why are the apologies always stuck in our throats, choking us but never finding a way to get itself heard, or wait till once a year to get a clean slate once and for all, literally?

Sheesh. We are so fucked up.

cramping

2010-10-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

Today I found out how much my riders (the new ones) cared for me, or how much i meant to them. So touched. :))

Its the first day of THAT TIME of the month again. When i found out, I dreaded going to work. I knew it was going to happen. It always did. It always made me feel (or appear) like a friggin' baby who can't stand a lil' pain.

But GOOD GOD!! It hurts so effing bad!! It took me all I can not to just curl up like a ball and cry. =.=

I even ate panadol and painkillers. but nothing seems to work. Thankfully i was doing MDS today and there wasnt much orders. I was practically lying down on the floor of the MDS area, bending over in pain with my head so drowsy from the meds.

The pain this time was too much that I actually cried (A bit only la. But still! Imagine the pain I was feeling!) And I NEVER cry when im in pain. Sheeesh! See!? BIG BABY!

But my riders, they were oh-so-sweet! One offered to send me home but I refused. One actually bought me the so-goddamn-useless panadol menstruation pills (Hey! Its the thought that counts.) One even offered to buy all sorts of herbal tea for me to ease the cramps. All were so thoughtful that they kept checking up on me to see how was holding up (though I was still curled up on the floor) and some offered to pack the drinks to lighten my workload. SWEET RIGHT!?

Funny thing was, there was this one time when I was not moving for a while and they actually thought that i had passed out from the EXCRUCIATING PAIN. They made a really big hoo-hah about it sia! LOLx! So adorable!

I felt so loved. :))

PS. This incident has made wished the unthinkable, man. The removal of the whole damn thing inside my abdomen that defines my womanhood(??) DAMN! Never thought it would actually come to this.

hi there

2010-10-01T19:02:00.004+08:00

It's been ages, I know.

I feel like I've written 37856 blog posts in my mind but the compositions never managed to reach my fingers like they are supposed to, to bring this space back to life.

Well you see..

My hamsters tore up some of my blog posts because they have a personality disorder and think that they are paper shredders. And.. My neighbour's dog ate the rest of my blog posts because.. Well, dogs always "eat my homework", don't they?

Bah! I would love to have inventive or imaginative excuses as to why everything that has happened had been forcibly stuffed into the dusty old cabinet at the cobwebbed corner of my mind.But the real reason is a really really long word with such a negative meaning.
P.R.O.C.R.A.S.T.I.N.A.T.I.O.N.
Enough said.

Oh wells.

My life lately has been a bowl of blonde moments, a cup of hectic-ness, a spoonful of what-the-fucks, a few sprinkles of hoorays, oohlalas and ohmygods and a little dash of just-kill-me-nows. That's about it. I don't care much for details.

ATTENTION! (For those who suffer from extreme stupidity)
TRANSLATION: The last few month has been a whole spectrum of emotions. So much drama that if it was a reality show, it would have hundreds of seasons. (NOTE: Seasons, not episodes.)

For those who would like to request for an encore telecast of all the previous episodes that you have missed, I'm sorry but we are unable to process it. It would seem that Malay soap dramas are no longer in favour now. Unless I switched ethnicity to a Korean.

Besides I think that we do not have a very strong cable connection. The "broadcast station" is down with an almost-fever, a headache and cramps all over. DAMN THOSE SWIMMING SESSIONS!
We regret any inconvenience or dissatisfaction caused.

Oopsies. I hear Mumsies scuttling in the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Gotta go.
See you, when I see you!

Rich boy

2010-09-03T08:22:00.000+08:00

Work juz now.. -.-

There was this one particular customer served by Auntie Lilian who ordered 2 Medium Milo and 2 McChicken. After collecting payment, he suddenly decided to change his order to a McChicken and a Filet-O-Fish. As per standard procedure, Auntie Lilian will then tell the customer the price difference between the burgers.

Arrogantly, he took out a wad of bills from his pocket and say "Money is not a problem!" I was like WTF sia.. _|_

I hope the arrogant bastard gets robbed on his way home. We'll see if money is problem to him then. Ass! Pfffttt!

long overdued b'day pics

2010-08-29T19:24:00.013+08:00

finally.. after sooooooo long.. B'DAY PICS..

Time: Eve of B'Day

Venue: Swensens@Ion

in clockwise direction

me with HAIRUL, PEIJIN, ROBIN and RYAN

not forgetting my MEGA BURGER MONSTER!! :D

LOOK!!

there's my cake!! :DD

Time: Actual B'day

Venue: Everywhere (i guess)

1st stop - Harbourfront Centre

Cable car ride to (and from) Sentosa

2nd stop - Sentosa

Trip to Underwater World

i know i look like a "jakun" here.

but no.

that's not the case.

i was waiting for a tame-r stingray for me to touch.

i was feeling excited-scared-squeamish.

3rd stop: Marina Barrage

Crash ALY's kite flying outing with BAZLI, HASIFF and RIZAL

look at my kite fly high!!

(BAZLI's kite actually)

then, i was put into a cab.

thought i was going home.

instead, i was blindfolded and my cab was hijacked.

mini JE24 adik beradik celebration at PizzaHut@BPP.

only the ppl present in the picture came.

after we finished and was about to leave

one of the crew came wif a complimentary dessert.

EMBARRASSING LIKE EFF**

they had this super loud drumroll

before they played the b'day song over the stereo

0.o

**fake blow**

posing only for the camera.

padahal candle dah mati..

HAPPY B'DAY ME!! :))

Iftar

2010-08-27T13:32:00.003+08:00

Adeq beradeq dinner outing last night. Nina Riffy Kinah Yana Arip Aly and me. There were 2 absentees, Acun (no $$) and Syafiq (group study, or so he says). We were joined by Hasiff (Aly's bf).

Buka kat Sinaran@CCK. Then we walk to a playground area, main "bunga api" mcm budak2 deprived childhood. Then, we played "crocodile" which turned into a game of catching. -.-

Kan dah cakap, deprived childhood.

Fun tu fun jugak la. Tapi Cuba imagine. Terlari2 kat playground pakai long skirt. Aly pakai maxi dress. Sebiji mcm anak2 si dia yg suka duduk atas pokok, pakai baju putih den mengilai mcm pompuan gila. Masya-Allah!

But I think everyone had fun. Even with simplicities, outing was a success. Next outing, Sharifi's b'day! And den dere's raya outing. Can't wait!

Pictures would be up soon, I think. When I can hog aly's MacBook.

Till then,
xoxo (:

My 20th

2010-08-01T23:56:00.001+08:00

Had the most awesome 20th birthday!!

Clique birthday surprise on Saturday.
thought it was juz a normal outing wif ALY at the flea market. Turned out she was on in on my surprise by the clique. So had dinner at Swensens (sort of..) with RYAN, ROBIN, HAIRUL and PEIJIN. I had ice cream buffet!! Hahaha. Den they surprised me with a slice of ice cream cake to celebrate my birthday. Gave me a Jodi Picoult book. awesome!! Thanks guys!!
(HUIWEN, ADA and KENNETH! you are definitely missed at the mini gathering!! Muz have another gathering soon!! As the former class rep, i would expect full clique attendance next time!!)

Then. Birthday date wif NINA today.
Met ard 12+. We're heading to sentosa!! Yippee, yay yay!! Got so excited when I found out we were going to underwater world!! But my bubble deflated a bit when I found out we will be taking the cable car there. In my head I was like FUCK!! Tried not to think so much abt it though. cab to harbourfront centre. The ride was.. I'll leave it to u guys to guess.. Or you can see the pics once NINA post it up on FB.
Took the Extreme Log Ride before heading to the much-awaited Underwater World. Totally love it there! I touched baby sharks and stroked sting rays!! Whee!! Guess if i cud survive a cable car ride, i could do anything. Cable car-ed bck again. -.-
Drop by Marina Barrage to crash ALY's kite flying outing wif her friends. Had fun!! And I learn to fly kite. Weather was great ytd!! My kite flew super high!!
Then I thought that was the end of it. Well.. It wasn't.
NINA kidnapped me and we went BPP where SOME of my JE24 siblings were waiting. Birthday dinner at pizza hut with ALY, SYAFIQ, NINA, RIFFY and YANA. Birthday cake compliments of pizza hut though it was really horrifyingly embarrassing when they played the birthday song over the speaker.

And that's my 20th!! Hope I can holiday in Bali wif NINA for my 21st!!
Pics will be up on FB since I got no laptop to load them here!!

Thanks everyone!! Hearts to you all!! :D

The return of JANE

2010-07-30T16:35:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since JANE was last seen. Today a glimpse of her appeared. Lurking around the corner. Partially hidden in the shadows. Still hesitant whether to show herself or not.

After quite some time of pretense, JANE realized that no matter how hard she tries to hide, she will still care. No matter how confidently she may tell the world that it does not affect her anymore, truth is, IT STILL DOES.

Though she has no tears left, JANE could feel her heart being crushed into a million pieces by just mere words. It's true what they say. It's those that matters most to you that has the power to hurt you like no other.

TP test

2010-07-28T20:52:00.000+08:00

I passed! Like finally! Woo hoo!

14 demerit points! I felt as if my heart was in my mouth when the officer was going through my mistakes with me. It sounded as if I made a lot of mistakes sia. With each mistake mentioned, I felt my Hope Balloon deflate bit by bit. And by the time he finished, I think all that was left of my balloon was just an empty saggy piece of rubber.

So you can imagine my relief, delight and all other mixed emotions that was making fireworks in that small lump of pumping muscle embedded deep in my chest when he handed me my results, like finally, and told me I passed! Wheee!

My mistakes are not major ones. Just those that cost me 2 points. Like insufficienct acceleration, never check rearview mirror during lane changing and turning and wide turning. Surprisingly, I did exceedingly well for my circuit courses especially my parallel parking which I usually not do well for. I also did not do e-brake, which was good in a way, coz usually after doing e-brake, I feel flustered. Which would not help me considering that I was already a nervous wreck to begin with.

Thankfully all went as I hope. Yay me!

Silver lining

2010-07-27T21:37:00.004+08:00

My goddamn laptop crashed.

There goes my lifeline.
There goes my source of entertainment.

But as people always say..
Every cloud has a silver lining.

I got my iTouch!!
So now tis is my new source.
in addition to the occasional borrowing of ALY's MacBook.

Hope to land a proper job pretty soon.
And my ~~1st pay~~ 2nd pay would be channeled towards the funding of my new laptop.
Wonder which brand to choose.
HP? Dell? Vaio? MacBook? Fujitsu(again..)?

repetition

2010-07-13T12:52:00.004+08:00

me and a group of 5 friends were on our way home. despite MOTHERS who keep telling us to not talk/hitch a ride home from strangers, we did. we all did. somehow during the ride home, the stranger randomly state that he is one of the most wanted criminal in the country - THE SLASHER. then, he laughed it off like it was some kind of a secret inside joke.

though we all laughed along with him, it made us nervous. me, in particular. so when he stopped at a traffic junction, some of us scrambled to dash out of the car, supposedly, to safety. however, the stranger and his wife convinced us that they had no bad intentions and will send us home. 3 of my friends felt that they could be trusted and so went and waited in the car while me and the other 2 insisted on walking home or hailing a cab.

suddenly i saw the 3 of us being dragged and forced into the car while the original 3 who were already in the car were forced out. we could only watch as we drove away leaving our friends by the roadside.

it turned out that the stranger was not kidding. he was THE SLASHER. the 3 of us were chosen as his victims because he said we put up quite a struggle back there, proving that we had good instincts and therefore would make the cat-and-mouse game more fun. it would give him an even greater pleasure watching us fight and struggle while we slowly die. our other 3 friends were rather submissive and would not be much of a kill and so, they were allowed to live.

we were all released separately in some abandoned area to find our own ways of escape. it was all a blur after that. i remembered that i kept running and in the end, tripping over my 2 friends, stripped of their clothes, dead with their throats slashed from ear-to-ear.

i heard the sound of vehicles and i felt a glimmer of hope. i made a mad dash towards the direction of the sound and found a road. i tried to hail a passing car, and when it stopped, to my horror, i realised that it belonged to THE SLASHER. it took me all i could not to cry or show my fear in front of him while i slowly backed away as THE SLASHER got out of the car. his face was a blank mask.

suddenly he burst out in maniacal laughter and clapped his hands. he congratulated me for being the sole survivor before advancing towards me, saying how much he would enjoy fighting me as i struggled to get away, seeing the defiance in my eyes as he tormented me about details of how he murdered my friends, and feeling the blade slash my throat as he killed me.

so he began slashing his blade around to threaten me. he nearly got me but it merely cut my watch strap, and my watch fell to the ground. just when i thought that all hope was lost, his wife got out of the car to stop him, saying that a deal is a deal. i was the sole survivor, and therefore i was allowed to leave, unharmed.

i felt immensely relieved when THE SLASHER dropped his arm and stop slashing at me. for a second, i thought everything was over when i saw THE SLASHER tenderly putting his arms around his wife. but in one movement, he slashed her throat. both of us could only watch, i in horror and him in glee, as she clutched at her neck, blood spurting from the open wound.

when she stopped struggling, THE SLASHER turned towards me, saying she was starting to become a real pain. then he stopped mid-way and started picking up my friends' clothes which were strewn all over the ground when he was slashing his blade around earlier. he kept repeating that he should honor his wife's last wish to allow me to go free. the one that got away, he said. so when he had picked up all the items, he held out my watch, saying i could go. and then he smiled.

for once he actually looked.. normal. however, my instincts felt that he could not be trusted. i would not trust to be at such near distance to him even if it was to claim my favorite watch. so i told him to keep it as a souvenir and backed away.

i was right, he could not be trusted. he was planning to kill me all along. under the bundle of clothes which he carried, he still held the blade to kill me with once he got me close enough by dangling the bait - my watch.

when i didn't bite, THE SLASHER toss the clothes on his car's bumper and he came after me. he waved his blade around like some crazy person running amok. i tried shouting for help, though no voice came out. there were lots of people around me, left and right, but none came to my aid.

no knight in shining armor on a white horse to sweep me off my feet and take me away to a place where it's safe. where there's no mad man, chasing after me with a blade to slash my throat with. after what felt like a long chase..

i woke up..

time-check: 2.10AM

i could still feel my heart pounding in fear, adrenaline pulsing in my veins. every detail of the dream was still vividly etched in my mind. i was so afraid to go back to sleep. so afraid that if i close my eyes, i'll be back in that dream with that maniac still chasing after me.

i've had that same dream for 4 nights now. people used to say that should we have repeated dreams, there are 2 possible explanations to it.
[1] it is bound to come true
[2] that thought is constantly on your mind

i don't think about being murdered all the time. i mean who in the right mind does that?? so THEORY 2 is out. so all that is left is THEORY 1. i told my sister about this and all she said was "DON'T BULLSHIT LA!!"

but what if its true?? what if the dream is some kind of omen/warning that i'm going to die? what if someone is out to kill me? oh damn! i'm working late nights now. what if someone sneak up behind me and slash my throat while i was on my way home??

or..

it could be something else entirely. an out-of-this world explanation for this repeated dreams. a possible THEORY 3. it could be flashbacks of my past life. maybe i was a hooker in my past life who was killed by JACK THE RIPPER. and somehow my weird brain has modified the memory, changing THE RIPPER to THE SLASHER?? -.-

possible??
you tell me..

im a murderer..

2010-07-10T16:05:00.003+08:00

she was not being a nuisance to anybody. all she did was sit by the edge of the "pool". staring at the passer-bys from her perch. nobody seemed to notice her.

then i came, intending to use the "pool" and saw her. scared the shit out of me. slowly, trying so very hard not to make any sudden movements, i inched towards the spray hose and reached for it. if she was smart enough, she must surely have guessed my intentions. but, no. she juz sat there, staring at me with those unblinking black eyes of hers.

i felt a tiny sense of victory as i managed to get hold of the hose spray while she remains motionless. so i took my chance, considering that it might be my only one, before she managed to escape. i sprayed her with water at full blast, causing her to fall off her perch, and into the "pool".

i could see she was struggling to get out. i didn't know what came over me. a part of my brain was like telling me that i should stop, but i don't know why i just kept spraying at her. she could have been trying to shout for help for all i noe, but no sound came out, since she was choking on water.

the other part of brain felt pity looking at her, struggling with all her might against the current. but my hands did not seemed connected to my brain at that point of time. it kept on spraying and spraying.

finally, she stopped struggling. and then i stopped. oh god what have i done? i have just murdered an innocent.

to make matters worse, to get rid of the incriminating evidence of my crime, i pressed that button which allowed the water to carry her lifeless body away, down the hole.

oh dear God! forgive me for being so evil. God bless "Ms Liza Rourke Dashwood's" soul.

RIP
"Ms Liza.R.D"
10th July 2010

flying, flying.. gone..

2010-07-09T23:46:00.003+08:00

well as of 24 hours ago, LIM HUIWEN aka Amber has left Singapore to begin a new chapter of her life. she'll be in Aussie, studying. din't manage to send her off at the airport. busy i guess? need to earn enough dough for even a chance of pursuing my studies. but still, that's no excuse. i hope she understands.

sadded. but still wishing her all the best. hope she gets that degree wif flying colours. she'll be back during her september break. and hopefully we can do a real (or shud i say proper??) clique gathering this time round.

baking

2010-07-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

one day im gg to make this!!

wif lots and lots of chocolate!!

Crew outing

2010-07-02T22:38:00.004+08:00

these are long overdue pics.

Event: JE24 Crew Outing

Venue: Siloso Beach @ Sentosa

Time: 1300-1800 hours

after lunch we had bonding session activities

first up, Dog N' Bone

Team A - Nameless

Team B - Star Wars -.-

2nd bonding activity

Geek-Me-Up competition

Auntie Joey - product of Team A (left)

Auntie Taishu - product of Team B (right)

Team A won! Duh..

den we had lots of free and easy time.

most aunties go walk2 (for fear of getting wet)

but the youngsters had the most fun.

the dumping sessions.

nobody was spared.

Indo crew, Muji & Okta..

Liyana..

Jessica..

Mummy Joy..

and Yee Wee.

(i dun tink it counts though, since he kinda voluntarily enter the water)

Don, Jackson and Lillian got dumped in too, but no pics coz the camerawoman was not paying attention.

thought i'd insert some "Me and my siblings" pictures..

there's me.. fresh out of the water..

(God, i make myself sound like a fish or sth..)

there's my Aly.. with her gorgeous messy hair..

wacko Syafiq.. looking like a *toot*..

and Syahir.. forever wif his PSP..

JE24 Young-Stars

Family of JE24

the long-overdue date

2010-07-01T22:00:00.001+08:00

went on a "date" wif NINA today.

met at Plaza Singapura ard 1230.

im telling u.

thank God i live in Singapore where there are signs everywhere.

if not i cud get lost in this little red dot of a country.

even worse, a shopping mall. =.=

anyways, we had lunch first at some Indo restaurant.

the Nasi Ayam Penyet was quite good.

made better wif my Lime Juice.

AWESOME-NESS!

den we walk2 in Plaza Singapura.

weren't exactly window shopping since we were like so engrossed in our conversation that it wud seem like we were walking aimlessly, in and out of shops.

watched LETTERS TO JULIET at 1420.

not bad.

however there was this row of secondary sch girls in front of us who were behaving like silly lovestruck twits.

going "awww.." during the romantic scenes.

getting all excited when the hero and heroine kissed.

and even worse.

since the title was LETTERS TO JULIET, they played "ROMEO&JULIET"-themed songs.

which made the girls even more excited when the movie played "Love Story"

they went "Omg! Taylor Swift's Love Story!"

and i was like =.=

oh wells.

naive little girls.

such romance dun exist in reality.

juz like ROMEO & JULIET.

anyway.

after the movie, we went walking2 ard town.

went to some FoodFest where NINA bought me CHOCOLATES!! :D

my gf knows me best!! :D

den we left since she had to go to sch for some CIVIC & MORAL class.

lameshit.

but i believe we both had a great day!!

and its all that counts! :D

macam-macam aznil

2010-06-30T01:54:00.005+08:00

a snapshot of this kid from MACAM-MACAM AZNIL.
muka epic giler.
soooo.. CUTE!!

ni lagi satu.
enjoy the video!!
hilarious rabak!! :D

sucker!

2010-06-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

how she makes me feel most of the fucking time...

till we meet again

2010-06-18T19:06:00.006+08:00

today my Indonesian friends return to their country.

will definitely miss them loads.

Okta & Muji

feel so sad. travelled all the way to Changi Airport to see them one final time and bid them goodbye in person only to miss them by a few minutes. a little too late. managed to call them and talked to them one last time. but my insides still hurt. especially in that area where my heart used to be.

to make matters worse, they sms-ed me while i was on the way home. i felt so guilty. made me cry in public. tried damn hard to stop but it kept flowing. will keep and treasure that SMS till the next time i see them.

till then, there's always FB.. :)

updates

2010-06-12T23:10:00.001+08:00

wow! been a long time since i last updated! super super busy!
just a few updates.

FIRST
i finally passed my parallel parking subject. 3 lessons. took me long enough. thought i'll never be able to move on from that subject. now trying to pass the rest of my driving subjects as fast as possible. am still trying to cling on to that one glimmer of hope/chance of passing my driving test by HARI RAYA!! :D

SECOND
am trying to change over a new leaf. all my old bad habits are to be left behind. the habit of [mumbles something incoherently under my breath] will be kicked away, one by one. trying my best to be a better person. however, the clause about my usage of my colourful vocabulary is still pending in the "Change over a New Leaf" agreement. that is one habit i can't seem to be able to kick as easily as i thought. :/

THIRD
trying to be more healthy. exercise. smaller and more regular meals. take interest in sports again. speaking of which, i finally held a badminton racket again today. it's been awhile. i think the last time i played was with THE CLIQUE. so long ago.. -.-"

FOURTH
i officially declare that I HATE NS!! NS has swallowed up plenty of my friends. I miss my "DARLING". we used to chat online, like once in a while and have loads of laughter. then there's that "TALL GIANT". never fail to cheer me up when im down, or just to listen to me babble crap. u guys know who you are. and then there's this "BROTHER" of mine. used to be part of our tight-knit group. any outing/gathering that we have, there's always him and his brother, and us. now that NS refuses to regurgitate him out, every outing/gathering feels like something is missing. it's never the same anymore now that he is in camp most of the time. see? the significance of his absence is so startlingly stark obvious. :(

FIFTH
i wonder if there is anything wrong with my name. because it seems to me as if people are starting to develop an aversion to it. my managers call me SAYANG, maybe because they have too many crews' name to remember. so it's easier to just call everyone SAYANG and beckon to the people they are referring to. i have plenty of youngster crews calling me KAKAK [the term for big sister]. these are fine, actually. however some are like.. there are people who are starting to call me DARLING, HONEY and BABY. i mean, like, YUCKS MUCH!? another better one, call me MANJA [meaning something like.. erm.. some who is very child-like.. in a good way though]. aiyaya. is my name really that hard to say/pronounce/remember that they have to give me nicknames?

well i guess thats all.
my next update would be pretty soon i guess. would be updating on my crew outing, should i have plenty of pictures to show.. or once NINA uploads them up.. so..

toodle-loo!! :D

Jane part 2: Jane's mask

2010-05-23T19:32:00.004+08:00

It was all Jane could do not to cry.

For years, Jane had silently accepted all of it.

Trying to patch things up.

Trying to make things right.

Trying to make peace.

Trying to hold everything together.

Trying to remain in the good books.

But the results remain the same.

Jane has now come to see the truth in clarity.

She was undeserving back then.

She was still undeserving now.

And she will, always and forever, be undeserving.

Many feared for Jane.

Many were worried about how Jane would turn out.

Therefore, Jane made a promise to herself.

Never to shed a tear any longer for that woman.

So she bit her lip and kept real quiet.

She pretended as if the words did not concern her.

She pretended as if the woman was not talking about her.

She pretended as if the words did not affect her.

But for how long can Jane keep up the charade?

For how long can Jane pretend she did not care?

For how long can she suppress her tears?

Even when her heart feels like its torn into a million pieces?

For how long can Jane hide behind her mask?

Jane Part 1: She Will Cry No More

2010-05-19T22:11:00.004+08:00

A FEW WEEKS BACK

JANE: Mama. My graduation is in the middle of May. So.. Umm.. You want to come?

MAMA: Oh. I don't think there is a need for me to come. I already saw you graduate 13 years ago while you were in kindergarten.

JANE: Kindergarten!? Seriously!?

MAMA: You, all dressed up in the graduation robes with the mortarboard, posing with that piece of rolled-up paper. Now you are all grown-up. You don't need me there. (smiles)

Back then, Jane thought it was her mother's idea of a humorous joke as she seemed to be in a very comical, joke-y mood that day. So Jane thought nothing of it.

Well, of course Jane waved it off as a joke. It's not like Jane would go on her knees and beg her mum to come or something. Pride, or whatever you call it. Besides, which parent would intentionally not want to watch their child graduate, right?

So Jane weaved her own little fantasies about how both her parents would put aside their differences for this one special day and turn up for the ceremony together. After all, it is Jane's Day. How hard they would applaude when Jane's name was announced. How they would be beaming with pride as Jane walked across the stage to receive that piece of rolled-up paper. How their pride would be reflected in their eyes as Jane took graduation photographs with them.

3 DAYS BEFORE GRADUATION

JANE: (thought to herself) Eh? Her name is on schedule till 1pm? But my ceremony starts at 2pm. She didn't apply for annual leave?

The thought kept bugging Jane as she worked that day. The kind of feeling where no matter how hard you try to brush it off, it just won't go away. And then, Jane remembered something.

JANE: Maybe.. Just maybe.. Yup.. That's got to be it..

And, that thought cheered Jane up for the rest of the entire day. Sometimes, Jane's mum makes an impromptu decision to not show up to work claiming she was on MC, should she requires/wants/needs to be someplace else.

Just like the time when she took MC to accompany Jane at the hospital when Jane had her surgery. So this could be one of those rare moments.

But, boy, was she wrong.

GRADUATION DAY

Only Jane's dad came that day. Though Jane was thankful that her dad was there with her, still she felt horrible inside. Jane could not believe that her mum would intentionally skipped her graduation ceremony. Why does her work takes priority over Jane? What in the world could be more important/significant than Jane's graduation ceremony? As a result, somehow, Jane can't seem to be able to feel the mood, the "Yay!-I'm-so-happy-I'm-finally-graduating-from-SP" feeling.

However, all you could see was that day was Jane, with smiles all around, seemingly relieved + rejoiced that that part of her life is finally over.

But it was just a mask. The mask Jane constantly carries everywhere and puts on for all to see, hiding her true feelings, deep in her heart, among all the other heartaches accumulated throughout the years. The mask that will hide Jane's vulnerability.

The pain. The heartbreak. The disappointment.

giving up?

2010-05-12T12:29:00.005+08:00

there's a point in life

when you get tired of chasing everyone,

tired of trying to fix everything..

but that's not "giving up"..

it's just that ONE significant moment

when u realized,

you dun need certain people..

AND their crap..

ps. when will my moment come?

jaywalkers

2010-05-10T22:56:00.002+08:00

it's true wad they always say. u can never truly understand wad the other party feels until u are "in their shoes".

i admit. i'll even shout it from the rooftops, display it on billboards, if u want. but for now i'll just do it here.

"YES!! I AM A JAYWALKER!!"

i hate to use pedestrian crossings. especially a friggin' overhead bridge. even if i do use a pedestrian crossing, i cross at my own time. i do not wait for the Green Man. i just madly dash across the road (though i do look left-right-left first before crossing).

i was once involved in a near-accident. i was dashing across the road despite an overhead bridge nearby and was nearly knocked down by a car. thankfully the car was travelling at relative low speed. if not, i would not be here, blogging to u about this.

but did that teach me a lesson about road safety?? NO!!! i still treat the road as if it belongs to DADDY. and flicked fingers (well, just one finger actually) at drivers who beeped their horns at me whenever i cross roads.

but today, i truly understand why these drivers who beeped their horns at me, who get fingers (oops! finger..) flicked at them, hate jaywalkers like me. it's because it's causing them lots of trouble. not only do drivers have to keep a look out for potential hazards on the roads, the junctions, pedestrian crossings, traffic signals, etc, etc, etc. now they would have to keep a look-out for jaywalkers as well. wtf!?

seriously man! take for example. during my practical session just now, i saw this stupid uncle jaywalking across the road. in the past, i'll just dun care. but now that i've learnt the road safety stuff, i got mad. how can i not be!? THERE WAS A GODDAMN ZEBRA CROSSING, LIKE 3 STEPS TO HIS LEFT!! and still he decided to jaywalk.. fuckfuckfuck! since my instructor was right beside me, all i could do was slow down so the uncle could cross safely, but inside my head AND heart, only God can hear my super-colourful vocbulary.

sheesh!

the future seems bleak

2010-05-05T12:05:00.006+08:00

i've been thinking a lot of stuff this days.. ppl are leaving.. the NS guys - RYAN, KENNETH, A'RIP - going into camp to serve the nation and be a man.. HUIWEN is going to Adelaide to further her studies..

but.. as for me.. i'm still right here.. clueless as ever.. it's like, in the past, my path has already been set for me.. primary sch, take PSLE, secondary sch, take O'Levels, Singapore Polytechnic.. my progress moves smoothly without a hitch.. i was able to climb higher, go on studying, without obstacles.. but now i can't go any further.. i can't make it to any of the local universities bcz of my below average GPA.. i feel like i've come to a dead end.. so.. [throw PLAN A out the window]

so that's when PLAN B is supposed to come in handy.. problem is, i dun exactly have a PLAN B. coz i was kinda depending on PLAN A, juz like in the past.. so i din't actually came up wif a PLAN B thinking that it was unnecessary.. and boy, was i wrong! now i'm forced to think of alternatives.. i intend to work in the service sector, specifically the tourism/hotel industry.. that is where my interest lies.. however, most of the higher post job vacancies require someone of experience in the sector.. me, i only have the customer service experience working at McDonalds.. so, after pondering for a few days.. i have 2 alternatives. but i duno which is better..

1ST CHOICE:
get my degree @ MDIS - Bachelor of Science (Hons) International Tourism and Hospitality Management OR Bachelor of Business in Hotel and Resort Management in the day while still working part-time at McDonalds as a 2nd Assistant Manager/Floor Manager in the evenings..
ADVANTAGES:
i get my degree and my experience in a supervisory position at the same time. not only that, i would gain a better advantage as i would have learnt (hopefully so) inventory control, human resource management, shift management, etc. considering the fact that McDonalds provide good training. my experience would be an added advantage when i decided to quit being a McDonald manager to apply for a supervisory/management position in the hotel/tourism industry.
DISADVANTAGES:
i might not be able to commit fully to working at McDonalds. being a manager is a huge responsibility. i'm afraid my work commitments might interfere with my studies, especially during busy project periods and internship programme period. besides, i tink that i might not be able to have enough rest and it might be too tiring for me.

2ND CHOICE:
start working in the hotel/tourism industry in a junior position and work my way up. if possible, should my work schedule permits, i'd still like to continue studying. evening classes though.
ADVANTAGES:
i get to start working in the hotel/tourism right away, a work environment of my interest and hopefully get that degree as i climb the career ladder.
DISADVANTAGES:
it might take me quite a while, perhaps a few years, before i can be reach that high ranking position in that industry. also, my work schedule may hinder my studies, for example, i may be required to work during the evening shifts, which will clash with my evening classes.

so i decide to talk to my restaurant manager about it, who referred me to her boss, MICKEY, who is one of McDonald's many Business Consultants(BC). she sat down and talked to me for like 20-30 minutes, discussing about my choices. there was lots of stuff she said which i couldn't really remember or understand. but there was one which stuck in my mind.

from she has observed of my work attitude during her visits to McDonald JE24, she feels that i might make a fair manager. however, from my managers feedbacks, she find that i am rather inflexible, in terms of adaptability. she knows about my constant refusal to be "attached" to other stores.

well i can't help it if my attitude/character is that way, u know. i'm just not able to adapt to new surroundings very well. a low-risk taker, someone who is always afraid to try something new. i tend to feel very lost, alone and clueless when i'm thrown into an "alien" environment. so i will tend to withdraw myself and people will mistake me for an anti-social. -.-

me!? anti-social!? some may find it hard to believe as they have seen me going crazy, acting like a bloody maniac, going "hehe-haha" most of the time. that's because i have grown comfortable around these people. that's why. even when i first started working at McDonald, i was a shy, quiet 17-year-old. but now at 20, my new riders seem to think that it was impossible that i was an introvert back then. ahahaha. as i always said, "dari orang yang pemalu, jadi orang yang tak tau malu!"

okay. i just realised i'm digressing. so back to MICKEY. so based on what she see, not speaking as a BC of McDonald, she feels that i should start working directly in the hotel/tourism industry, even if it means working at the reception, which means i'll be choosing my 2ND CHOICE. because she's afraid that i might not be able to work effectively in the management position in the hotel/tourism industry as my mindset is already pre-set to the management of a fastfood restaurant, which is totally different. also, she's afraid that i might not be able to cope with the heavy responsibility of hotel/tourism management when i don't have the time yet to adapt myself to the new working environment.

so, what do you guys think?

dream

2010-04-29T22:08:00.004+08:00

I've always dreamed

That my life could be

Like a fairytale
A perfect fantasy..

Everyday a new adventure
On some undiscovered shore
Was it nothing more
Than a dream..

Then one magic night
With a single dance
I found more than just
A storybook romance
And for once my life was perfect
As we glide across the floor
And it was so much more
So much more than a dream..

I cud say it never happened
Just a dream from the stars
But then I'd live my life
With a broken heart..

Coz in a prince's arms
I found a love I can't deny
If there's any chance to set things right
I've simply got to try..

So I'll trust my heart
What else can I do
I can live in dreams
If my dreams are to come true
There's a better life that's waiting
Past the mountains I must climb
I will take a chance on love
To get my once upon a time..

Oh I want so much more
So much more than a dream..

-Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time-

Leo

2010-04-26T16:35:00.003+08:00

LEO WOMAN

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her.

She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She’s open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much.

She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman , and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.

She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good x-udground family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it’s a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.

She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bugs, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. It’s unique quality and times spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

P/s. I tink the highlighted ones are the only thing that's true. :)

food for thought

2010-04-23T20:29:00.002+08:00

Despite 2 weeks of occasional no-work, i had no free time of my own. u noe, driving lessons, job-hunting, part-time maid, etc.. so today, after God-knows-how-long, i finally have a "ME" time. as wad i always do, caught a movie - "The Bounty Hunter", starring gorgeous Jennifer Aniston and sexy Gerard Butler.

well, typical story, u might have guessed. in the end, the exes will return to each other. a few scenes in the story were really.. erm.. romantic and stuff.. the ones that made u go "aawwwwwww.."

so, where i was seated, i was flanked by couples, left and right. so during those scenes, the couples wud go all "aawwwwwww.." and me, i cudnt help but feel left out. for a moment, all i cud tink of was that i wanted to be able to go "aawwwwwww.." as well and have somebody beside me to cuddle against.

but then, as i left the movie theatre, i thought to myself. how cud that thought even cross my mind? im not ready, i dun tink i will ever be..

will i?

mimpi mainan setan.

2010-04-15T17:17:00.003+08:00

now i fully understand wad my grandmother used to say. she used to tell me "jgn tido waktu petang sbb banyak SETAN" - translation "DUN EVER sleep in the evenings is when SATAN and his minions roam freely". and since ure sleeping, they tend to have a certain power over our dreams. or so it was said. i totally get it.

was feeling super tired as i had to wake up EARLY tis morning for my driving lesson. further more it was raining, a really nice weather to sleep. so i fell aslp juz now. the dream i had was like.. SUPER SCARY SIA!!

me and my sis were on the way home frm my cousin's house in Sembawang. we were all in the car; me, my sis, my cousin, their first husband and their child. the weather was stormy; thunders and lightnings flashing but no rain. as we were travelling along some expressway, all of us saw a lightning struck one of the lanes of the expressway. as our vehicle went pass that spot, we saw a Comfort taxi was almost submerged in a pool of mud mixed wif melted tar in the road itself (the lightning strike actually melted the tar of the road!!).

as we hurried past, more lightning flashes began striking the expressway left and right, creating more muddy potholes in the road and muddy landslides. took the ingenious driving skills of my cousin's husband to manage along the expressway, avoiding being submerged by landslides or drowning in mud-and-tar pool.

i was sitting on the right of the back seat. den i saw a bright flash out the corner of my right eye. when i turned my head, all i saw was thick black smoke billowing out of one of the tallest building in the area. and then, right in front of our very eyes, the top of the building juz exploded and crumbled!! seemed like a footage when the airplane crashed into the US WTC on 9/11 years ago. in my dream, my cousin was a very empathetic person. she actually got out of the car, wif her child cradled in her arms, to console a grieving family whose head of the family was killed when the impact of the explosion caused a neighbouring vehicle to be flung out and crash-landed on the poor chap.

i duno why, but suddenly, during the dream, i had bad feeling and kept pleading for my cousin to get back into the car. we were all shouting for her to return when suddenly the lightning flashed and struck the area right next to her, missing her by an inch or two. that's when i screamed..

and woke up..

thank god it was juz a dream.

stuffs

2010-04-14T21:01:00.004+08:00

been quite a while since i last blogged. let's see.. where do i start?? hmmmz..

well.. went to my NENEK and ATUK hse in JB wif ALY on 5th apr. left home at 0700 hours [damn early sia!!] juz to avoid the traffic jam at the Causeway. -.-

at NENEK and ATUK house, we helped wif a few household chores there before we slacked ard. watched plenty of Bollywood movies though, starring my all-time Bolly-sweetheart..

SHAH RUKH KHAN!! :DDD

den sometime in the afternn, ATUK came home and we went to visit some distance relative of NENEK. i had always been car-sick whenever im travelling on the JB roads. besides it was a loooooooong journey. so me and ALY caught some Zzzzz to make up for the ones we sacrificed tis morning. there, while the elders chatted, we had fun exploring the areas ard the house.

my 1st time seeing tis yellow flower.

my photography skills is not doing tis flower any justice.

that's ALY.

seeing a papaya tree, FOR THE FIRST TIME!! -.-

so ya ya papaya.. :p

SUPER PINK bougainvillea.

dun tink u can find them in SG.

SG ones are purple.

me and ALY too had fun playing wif NENEK's cat.

more like disturbing it.

it was juz having its moment of peace while tis was taken..

before it was so rudely awaken by... :DDD

the only picture we took togeder that turned out nicely. :)

another thing..

my practical lessons started on mon. was damn nervous. the fact that my instructor was like.. erm.. how to say ah.. very "cold" towards me, dint help my nerves either. so i made a few mistakes here and there. my driving muz hav been that bad that i saw him clutching the handle so tightly (u noe, the ones above the window), i actually saw his knuckles turn white.

poor chap!

the next lesson on tue was better, as i had a nicer, friendlier instructor. went easy on me for a while to allow me to relax. when im finally confident enough, he pushed me a little further. managed to move off and brake nicely, better than ytd. did plenty of rounds round the circuit. my only mistakes for the day, cross-hand while turning the steering wheel which caused my car to keep going into other lanes while making a turn. nid to practice that one.

tmr's the next lesson. now that i've gone thru wif 2 lessons, i have to say im pretty excited abt my practical lessons. my aim: to achieve my licence by HARI RAYA so i can go jalan raya in a car. no need take public transport animore!! whee!! [fingers crossed, ppl, and pray for me!!] :DDD

ps. i miss the clique. ada, huiwen, ryan, robin, kenneth, hairul, peijin, and a bit of van, joy and wenny. been quite some time since i met up wif them cz i bailed out on them for the cycling outing. missed all the slacking and group lunch at the forever-packed FC6, K-sessions, badminton sessions, lunch at FC5, wii sessions, movie dates, dinner together, outings/get-together after the last exams. old times, old memories.

pps. can we make new ones SOON??

first anniversary

2010-04-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

as wif tis post, it marks my 100th post.

wheeeee!!

my blog's first anniversary.

congratulations, blur-terfly!! :D

mixed feelings

2010-03-31T22:23:00.002+08:00

im feeling confused.

and im sure feeling guilty as hell.

but i really duno wad to do.

if i reject, it wud hurt.

coz im a special memory.

plus my actions are like giving hope.

but if i accept, it wud be unfair.

coz i dun really care, in that way.

and it juz does not work that way.

ppl are instigating me to give it a try.

but i cnt!

i juz cnt bring myself to do it.

i dunno if its juz MY INSECURITIES.

or perhaps MY CURRENT SITUATION.

or maybe WAD I SEE ON A DAILY BASIS.

i really dunno.

damn!

weird!

2010-03-27T19:22:00.002+08:00

i duno wads wrong wif me but it would seem like my preferences are changing drastically.

there was once a time when i used to loathe the taste of JASMINE GREEN TEA and CARROT JUICE. but now im learning to appreciate the supposedly-said-refreshing-taste of JASMINE GREEN TEA and i am now hooked on CARROT JUICE!! o.0

actually im not juz hooked on CARROT JUICE. im into all sorts of juices this days. APPLE JUICE, ORANGE JUICE, WATERMELON JUICE, PINEAPPLE JUICE, CRANBERRY JUICE, etc. ahaha. :D

not only that, i used to dislike the taste of MARIGOLD FRESH MILK. but now i tend to prefer drinking that than my used-to-be all-time favourite, HL MILK.

weird.

DAMN!

2010-03-25T00:56:00.002+08:00

got my results today.

so disappointing.

there goes my chance at university. :(

oh wells.

shud start job-hunting soon.

a proper one.

not the play-play ones like McD.

my health isnt at its peak either.

im sleeping late.

sleeping on cold, hard marble floor.

working and not enough rest.

now my body hurts like...

this, in addition to the bruises i suffered from a VERY EMBARRASSING FALL.

also, i tink i developed an allergy to chocolate or sth.

it started on sunday when i ate ONE ferrero rocher

and my throat started itching.

den by the next day (mon), it has becum sore and felt really dry.

lost my voice on tue.

sounded scratchy at first.

and then it turned into a full-blown "rocker" voice.

till today (wed).

coz i drank ICED MILO ytd, which i wasn't supposed to.

got scolded by DON and RAFIDA and NINA

and ate MCSPICY juz now.

and again was scolded by auntie TAISHU and auntie LILLIAN

ahahaha.

i feel so loved!!

many seem to love tis new voice of mine though

they say i sound really sexy..

ahahaha.

i call it my "sexy-katak" voice.

translation: "sexy-frog" voice.

anyways, the sore throat has evolved into a full-blown occasional coughing fits.

not good.

seems like it will be a long time before i can get back my normal voice. :(

outings are love!!

2010-03-20T21:40:00.006+08:00

VENUE: SHAW @ LOT1

TIME: 1450 hours

watched "Alice in Wonderland" ytd.

demands of the majority.

but as RYAN said, storyline was a bit blearghx.

but effects and costumes-wise, THUMBS UP!! :D

love the CHESHIRE CAT!!

VENUE: LOT1 ROOFTOP GARDEN

TIME: 1640 hours??

waiting for dinner-time [and umi].

cam-whoring session.

i love tis photo!!

nice candid shot!!

Shawall sibings and b'day girl

i totally wasnt prepared for the rapid 10-shots.

VENUE: PASTAMANIA @ LOT1

TIME: 1730 hours

belles of JE24

and finally...

Family of JE24

spread the LOVE!! :D

p/s. more pics on facebook. :))

wad a dream!

2010-03-16T18:54:00.003+08:00

was talking to a friend online yesterday.

random topics under the sun.

one of it being my dream home.

well.. ideally, my dream home would be any place.

i don't really care.

just as long as all my family members are together.

living happily, bicker once in a while, do everything togeder.

no long-term fights, no negativity.

juz happy thoughts.

but if i were to want a dream house...

i would love to have this indoor pool...

this would be my private sanctuary...

my very own tres magnifique personal library...

[just like in "Beauty & The Beast"]

a peaceful outdoor area to lounge during my lazy days...

or perhaps to have some quiet reading time...

a unique place for a private get-away...

or for a relaxing weekend "ME" time...

and the most important feature of the house...

the kitchen.

i initially thought this was perfect.

but then i realised that it was too squeezy for me.

the area is not good enough to fulfill my crazy, sudden moods to cook or bake.

which usually ends up with the kitchen in a friggin' mess.

i nid a bigger space to re-kindle my love for cooking and baking.

SERIOUSLY.

and i found this.

almost right.

but GOOD GOD!

i hate that vomit-green colour of the cabinets.

so off i went again in search of the perfect kitchen.

took me a really long time and...

Voila!

wad a dream!

princess of the sea

2010-03-15T00:09:00.003+08:00

Water is the element of change.

The people of water are capable to adapting to many things. They have a deep sense of community and love that holds them together through anything. Water is usually related to being good, impressionable, gentle, sympathetic, sensitive, and selfless.

Funny.

I always kinda thought that I was the element of fire [not because I think that I'm hot or anything]. But more to do with my erratic emotional changes, my short-temperedness, my sarcastic tongue.

Oh wells.

sucks to be you

2010-03-13T19:07:00.004+08:00

and another quote a good fren of mine once said, "he/she who smiles for the world, always cries alone". i used to argue wif him all the time that there will always be ppl who wud nvr abandon u in ur times of need. but he merely smiled. i'd nvr tot i'd see the day that has proven him right.

tell me sth. wad do u do when the ppl u luv most HATE YOU? HATE YOU for nvr being gud enuf. HATE YOU for defending others. HATE YOU for never tinking of him/her. HATE YOU for seemingly putting others to be of higher importance to him/her. HATE YOU by assuming to noe wad is in your mind. and even HATE YOU juz for being on good terms wif the ppl he/she hates or the ppl who can't accept him/her into their lives any longer.

well.. hah. sucks to be you.

dear john

2010-03-10T23:42:00.004+08:00

watched DEAR JOHN today. such a disappointment. said to be the best movie for year 2010, might even surpass AVATAR. nah. cant make it. seriously. the storyline is so... blearghx. $6.50. down the drain.

some may feel that i have no right to critic but seriously. i gotta admit that im a sucker for sad/romantic, tug-at-ur-heartstrings kind of storyline. about family r/ships and love [nt like VALENTINES' DAY!] --> refer to past post. but tis story does not appeal to me somehow despite being like the best love story of all time kind of stuff.

take for example, MY SISTER'S KEEPER. i cried for like half the time during the entire movie. now that's a good movie. but from DEAR JOHN, none. well, i did get choked up wif emotions during the scene when john was reading his letter to his sick father. but that was it. no tears.

but i do love what john wrote in the letter. the part when he said that he was a coin. made out of cheap metal, printed on and had his sides bezzled. the perfect coin. but now he has two holes [2 gunshot wounds], so he's now imperfect. somehow i tink that has a really deep meaning.

plus channing tatum is real HOT!!

hate

2010-03-09T13:28:00.003+08:00

10 THINGS I HATE

i hate ppl who care so much

i hate ppl who smile ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME

i hate ppl who bottle up everything

i hate ppl who still do a lot of things, knowing it doesnt change aniting

i hate ppl who still try so hard, knowing others will nvr be satisfied

i hate ppl who have to cover up other ppl's lies

i hate ppl who r forced to stay behind to help n watch others fly freely

i hate ppl who pretend that everything is ok

i hate ppl who cry at nite before they fall aslp

i hate ppl who kept wishing that things were different

in one sentence.

I HATE ME.

future

2010-03-07T23:07:00.003+08:00

had a talk wif my dad juz now. you noe abt the future and stuff. now that im like graduating. soon. asking me abt my options. what im planning to do? am i gg UNI? which UNI am i gg to? which course i wud like to enrol into? what are my interest? wad r my backup plans shud i FAIL to go UNI? kept saying my course is competitive. i cnt possibly go aniwhere wif juz my diploma. ask me to consider.

a few suggestions came up:
me pursuing my interest in FnB
me pursuing my interest in tourism industry
me being a teacher
me joining the SPF

im still undecided though. but one thing i do noe for sure is that

last day.

2010-03-04T12:21:00.003+08:00

juz reached home. BBM paper juz now was full of shit. the supposedly-not-tested chpts 12 and 14 came out. FUCK YOU, SETTER OF BBM PAPER!! (whoever you are.)

and finally officially today is our last day of sch!! yayayayay!! freedom!! woohoo!! no more cramming into 185 to SB. except tmr. nid submit BD report. blearghz. DAMN sia. everything oso i do. haiz..

anyways initially tot i'd go home and sleep or watch movies online before leaving to go jamming wif my brother and his frends later at 3.30pm. but seemed like the others have plans. wan to go K-box. hmmmz..

choices, choices. K-box, i like. jamming, new interest. which one? gotta make a decision fast. coz im leaving in half an hr. MUMMY going to be home soon. gotta make a move. ASAP. but which one?? aiyayaya!!

oh, and ADELE gave us cookies as we were leaving after the crap paper. for the entire class!! hand-made ones, wrapped in plastic, labelled with our names. so personalized. kinda make me feel"aww-its-so pretty-and-i dun-wana-eat-it". haha. so sweet!! it's funny that she's the one who has a farewell gift for the claz but nt me, considering i'm their claz rep. :p

oh wells. tink of it tis way. im not really parting wif them. we'll be in touch. outings (regularly?). so its not really farewell. no need for "farewell gifts". hehehe. :D

MUGGING!

2010-03-02T21:46:00.003+08:00

went to sch ytd. BBM study session + HAIRUL's surprise b'day celebration. supposed to meet at 10am, but i came at 11am. woke up late la. turned out the rest also late, except B'DAY BOY himself and RYAN. hahaha. started studying first before ROBIN, PEIJIN and ADA joined us. KFC-ed and bought the cake for the "surprise party" [i duno how but i had the feeling HAIRUL knew abt it all along].

haha. oh wells. its the thought that counts. 5 of us shared half the cake and B'DAY BOY had to finish the other half. though it's juz half of a small cake, he was struggling to finish it. cant blame him. he juz KFC-ed. Zinger meal summore.

den we left to study proper at T741. though i had to leave early, managed to memorise 3 chpts. awesome!! :D

woke up late today [again!] but who cares? went to Queensway to send BD report for binding. managed to memorize only 1 chpt on the way there but slept during the journey back. went jamming wif my brother and his frends. [wah so free ah AISYAH!? ur paper on thurs, still got so many more chpts to memorise. still got time to go jamming!? wan to die izit!?] pfffffttttt.

but i dint regret going though. it was FUN, in an awkward kind of way though. well i've nvr hung out wif my brother's friends before and suddenly they want me to be their vocalist while they practice. but okay la. they din't seem to mind my toad-ish voice. man! for a bunch of 16-17 year olds they can really play!! awesome!! might drop-in again on them sometime. :D

5.30pm i left and went to mug@Mcd. covered one more chpt. the kids at the table next to mind were excitedly (and noisily) playing Tic-Tac-Toe. -.-

while i was pcking to leave ard 8+pm, i overheard tis conversation.
WOMAN: why are you here? why aren't you home?
LITTLE GIRL: no one is at home.
WOMAN: where are ur parents?
LITTLE GIRL: mama is at work.
WOMAN: what about your dad?
LITLLE GIRL: i dun hav one.
WOMAN: wad do you mean?
LITTLE GIRL: papa packed his bags one day. he left and nvr come back.

shit!

Titanic

2010-02-28T01:28:00.002+08:00

watched Titanic on Ch5

used to hate that movie

now that im older

i can finally understand the movie

such powerful emotion

"Rose and Jack"

and my heart felt like this...

awesome day!!

2010-02-26T21:45:00.003+08:00

badminton session @ 10am

the usual badminton gang

ate lunch @ FC5

sit and crap awhile while waiting for ADA

RYAN and PEIJIN left to go study wif frens

the rest of us went Moberly.

we played...

and

the one person who cud work the drums well.

a possible successor?

the band's vocalist. :D

and...

our resident bad-ass guitarist!! :D

awesome day!!

im a kite.

2010-02-25T21:42:00.004+08:00

she has always referred to each and everyone of us as a kite.

her kites.

she controls how her kites fly.

she controls how high her kites soar.

she controls how low her kites fall.

she controls the strings.

when her kites are flying too low,

she loosens the strings, juz a little.

juz enough for the kites to remain airbound.

when the kites fly too high,

she will reel the kites in.

so the kites wun fly too far

i feel that she is too in control of the strings of her kites. afraid that her kite will soar too high and leave her. she forgets that sometimes kites cant be controlled all the time. they are not juz controlled by the person with the strings.

Kite No. 2 has long snapped from her strings. a result from reeling it in too tightly when all it wants is to soar. my only fear is that it may get caught in trees and can nvr come back. Kite No. 3 & 4 are fighting against the wind, struggling against the pull of the strings bounding them to her. the strings are frayed. juz waiting for the time to snap free.

now all that is left is Kite No. 1 still bound to her. bound by its responsibility to her. still in control. desire to soar high but has no heart to fight against the pull of the strings. too soft-hearted to leave her by flying too high.

despite all the things this kite has done for her, it is still the most battered-looking kite among the 4 kites. it is an obvious fact of her preference for her other kites. how much she takes care of them, ensuring that they are in their best condition. giving the other kites her love, devotion and attention. despite its sacrifices, this kite is left aside.

the kite now has no direction.

no will to fly animore.

did the kite make a wrong decision?

should it have fought harder to snap free?

funny shit.

2010-02-24T02:49:00.003+08:00

Rigsby: Hey, what's with Hicks calling me "Bert"?
Secretary: Umm.. I'm sure I don't know.
Cho: It's "Bert", like the muppet.
Van Pelt: It's just a stupid nickname. It doesn't mean anything.
Cho: Boscoe's team calls us "Bert and Ernie".
Rigsby: You knew that and you didn't say anything?
Cho: It would bother you.
Rigsby: It doesn't bother you?
Cho: No. Ernie's the clever, handsome one.

A scene from "The Mentalist". Totally cracked me up

whatever

2010-02-22T21:44:00.004+08:00

no sch today. lazy to get out of bed. watch movies online the whole morning. finally got out of bed ard 11+. did household chores. attempt to cook. but MUMMY bein' a B**** as usual. re-cooked watever i cooked. afraid i might have laced it wif rat poison, i tink. i dun giv a F*** anymore.

den showered and left ard 2pm. on the pretense that i had sch. went down to McD to study. made myself stayed there and study. a good 6hrs. so proud of myself.

was packing to leave at ard 8. den there's this 3 China ppl who sat at the table next to mine. taught them how to use the Wireless@Sg. kept complaining how slow the connection was. and den comes the disgusting part. wanting to eat cheaply, one of the women ask her son to buy student meals, but 1 student card = 1 student meal. so, w/out any sense of shame she ask her teenage son to borrow EZ-links of other students studying there. to get 3 student cards to buy 3 student meals. China ppl. whaddya expect? pfffttt... -.-

movies

2010-02-19T21:24:00.002+08:00

ytd was HORRIBLE.

revision for MMIT went HORRIBLE.

MMIT paper was HORRIBLE.

dental appointment was HORRIBLE.

the photo-taking thing was even more HORRIBLE.

even the movie was HORRIBLE.

from the title i shud have guessed.

oh, and taylor swift can't act for nutz.

or dance either.

a total waste of $6.

one word.

HORRIBLE.

day out wif ALY today.

watched "Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief" at GV@JP

AWESOME!!

our eyes were glued to the screen the whole time.

there was this one scene where they were pursued by a Minotaur.

and Percy's mother was suddenly captured by the thing.

impactful.

create a surprise there.. and ALY screamed. -.-

anyways this is my favourite scene.

A-fucking-MAZING!!

oh, and this is Poseidon, God of the Sea, Percy's dad.

im not into older guys but..

GOOD GOD, HE'S HOT!! [for a centuries-old god]

juz look at him!

wonder where Percy got his good looks from. :D

and Percy.

he is one smokin' HOT demi-god. [drools]

looks a bit like zac efron, doesn't he?

but, JUZ AS HOT!!

ABS-LICKIN'-HOT!! :P

oh and i bought myself a pair of heels.

blew 40 bucks.

totally worth it!! :)

CNY

2010-02-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

working from Saturday till Tuesday.

SATURDAY
- CNY eve
- got a hint of wad i'll be xperiencing for CNY period
- told myself to be mentally and physically prepared

SUNDAY
- 1st day of CNY
- it was bad
- hit $4K in b/fast sales
- long customer queues till the main door
- non-stop orders
- no break
- stood for 7.5+ hrs

MONDAY
- 2nd day of CNY
- it was HORRIBLE
- hit $5K in b/fast sales
- juz MDS b/fast orders alone hit 64 orders
- nvr happend before thruout my MDS career
- orders oredy hit 100+ when i left at 3pm
- again, stood for 7.5+ hrs
- no break
- riders were cooperative though
- v.thoughtful & nice to me.

TUESDAY
- tmr - 3nd day of CNY
- another round of war? (maybe)
- hope my riders are as good as today's

ass-cheeks cramping
sore calves
stiff neck
hurting feet

off to study MMIT!
taa!!

lesson learned

2010-02-12T10:52:00.003+08:00

we live in a world where majority of us are HETEROSEXUALS. but be realistic. tis is the modern world where aniting is possible. so we shud step out of our heterosexual bubble for once and realise that there are ppl out there who are not able to control or hide wad they really are. the direct opposite of us. HOMOSEXUALS. some say it as a statement, some say it like an expletive. its not nice to judge them for for turning out the way they are, u noe?

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

the first time i watched it , it was only to see the award-winning kiss. then i got sucked into the whole film plot and got traumatized by... a few scenes.

took me like a week to actually go back and watch it again. now mentally and emotionally prepared, i was able to appreciate the movie better. it's not juz a GAY romance movie where all the guys cud tink about is "High-Altitude Fucks!" its about a powerful emotional and physical relationship.

i muz admit that the whole guy-on-guy thing is a bit creepy but the intensity of the feelings portrayed is really sth that even i was touched. ME. the hater of love. the firm believer that love is the root of all evil. oh wells.

but all in all, love the movie! a real eye opener.

DREAMS part (i)

2010-02-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

1. You forget 90% of your dreams.
Within 5 minutes, half of your dream is forgotten.
Within 10 minutes of waking, 90% of your dream is forgotten.

2. Blind people also dream.
People who became blind after birth can see images in their dreams.
People who are born blind have equally vivid dreams involving their other senses.

3. Everybody dreams.
Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder).
If you think you are not dreaming, you just forget your dreams.

4. In our dreams, we only see faces that we already know.
Our mind is not inventing faces.
These are faces of real people that we have seen before but may not know/remember.

5. Not everybody dreams in color.
Today, 4.4% of sighted people dream in black and white, the rest dream in full color.
The change may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to color media.

6. Dreams are symbolic.
If you dream about some particular subject it is not usually about it.
Whatever symbol your dream picks, it is usually not a symbol for itself.

7. The most common emotion experienced in dreams is anxiety.
Dreams are more susceptible to negative emotions than positive ones.

8. You can have four to seven dreams in one night.<>9. Animals dream too.
Studies have shown that animals have the same brain waves during sleep as humans.

10. Body Paralysis.
The body is paralyzed by the brain.
It prevents the movements in the dream from causing the physical body to move.

11. Dream Incorporation.
Sometimes we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it into our dream.

12. Men and women dream differently.
Around 70% of the characters in a man’s dream are other men.
A woman’s dream contains almost an equal number of men and women.
Men have more aggressive emotions in their dreams than the females.

13. Precognitive Dreams.
Some dreams do turn out to be real.
It's like experiencing déjà vu.

14. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.

15. You can experience an orgasm in your dreams.

traumatized

2010-02-08T10:17:00.004+08:00

i LOVE Jake Gyllenhaal in "The Day After Tomorrow"
i LOVE Heath Ledger in "Imaginarium of Doctor Parnussus"
i LOVE Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You"
i LOVE Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"

after "Brokeback Mountain"...

i'm not so sure anymore.

love

2010-02-08T00:53:00.003+08:00

din't meant to eavesdrop.
but i juz overheard sth i shudn't.

its amazing and sad to see:
how much ppl change when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how they are able to go against their principles when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how they toss evriting they believe out of the window when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how everything takes a backseat when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how they forget abt others who matter when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how they keep secrets from those who r close to them when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how they forget abt other ppl's feelings when THEY'RE IN LOVE.
how selfish they become when THEY'RE IN LOVE.

its all bcz of love.
LOVE is the root of evil.

i hate LOVE.

split up!

2010-02-07T21:30:00.004+08:00

had a fight.

DADDY scolded SYAFIQ.

MUMMY scolded SYAHIR.

but indirectly.

both were doing the same thing.

making sarcastic remarks of each other.

they fight.

we are caught in between.

why is tis happening?

fuck!

fuck all of them!

final year = sleepless nights

2010-02-06T21:26:00.003+08:00

BD presentation. surprised our panel judges with our level of "professionalism". 80s rock music to get a feel of the atmosphere of our business, each of us presented business cards, a very in-your-face nametag each, a "Fanta" bottled drink for each judge and other props to facilitate our presentation.

presentation was alrite. but we got "shot down" during Q&A. we were questioned a few times about the authenticity of our store, how we're gonna distinguish ourselves from our competitors, how to prevent "copycats" but mainly, how do we upkeep our authenticity level if we're a Halal-concept restaurant which would compromise the ingredients of certain dishes like Char Kway Teow and Bah Kut Teh.

and for the 1st time since KAINE join my BD grp, i was thankful he was there. he was able to ans a particularly difficult question thrown by the judge. [the question had everyone stunned!] and the good thing is, they were IMPRESSED! AWESOME-NESS!

den lunch-ed wif KENNETH, ROBIN, HAIRUL, ADA, VAN, JOY, PEIJIN and her fren @ LJS at Marina Square. den RYAN came and join us. sat there and chat. was trying hard not to zonk out the entire time. the rest all keep saying "AISYAH! dun sleep ah!" and van who was sitting beside me keep shaking me juz so i stayed awake. they told me not to sleep and to make it my personal challenge to see how long i cn go w/out sleep. hahaha. HAIRUL even compared me to a panda. [a panda, HAIRUL!!??] oh, and they called me a "vampire" too for not sleeping for 3days straight. hahaha. cool2! I AM VAMPIRE GIRL!!

train-ed to BB to my aunt's house. [i always visit her every Sat.] was able to stay awake for abt an hour before i crashed. no sleep since i woke up on at 8am on Wed morning. Sorry guys! 82 hours is my limit! hahaha! :D

insomnia.

2010-02-05T10:44:00.001+08:00

48 hours and counting...

oh jolly!!

haiz..

2010-02-04T19:40:00.002+08:00

MMIT down..

mock-BD down..

still got LERM, WP, BD..

haven had any real food since last night

going on hunger strike [haha!]

cant seem to eat though

it all cums back out

[managed to keep down some pudding though]

oh. and i haven slept in the last 24hours.

cool eh?

may not be sleeping again tonight.

if my body cn take it.

we'll see.

dint manage to go into MMIT semi-finals.

disappointed + relieved.

AT. THE. SAME. TIME.

but will support ryan & co. ALL THE WAY!!

and then, there's DORA HO

the stoopid old grandma who shud retire.

such a BITCH.

give her the t-shirt receipt so long ago.

till now still haven claim.

still got the cheek to call me,

ask me for another copy of the receipt

WHY?

coz she lost the original. -______-

why is the world so fucked up!?

BITCH.

2010-02-03T21:19:00.003+08:00

MUMMY has been a real bitch tis past few days.

tried putting up wif her.

juz like the past God-knows-how-many-years.

but she was really mean juz now.

a real-honest-to-God BITCH.

i wish i cud juz turn her radio off.

mute her for a few days.

or mayb..

juz mayb..

i'd off-ed myself.

that'd be much easier.

love u ppl!!

2010-02-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

i absolutely LOVE my group mates!! [nt all la.. u noe..] and i am DEFINITELY NOT referring to my BD mates [excluding yamnie].

well, i duno why, but i was so touched that they [both of u noe who u are] care abt my welfare. u noe, the whole "we can waive off some of the ____" thing. but sorry, i wun hear of it. we're all in this together. so, i'll bear my fair share aitez!? besides, i hate pity parties. LOL. :D

but still, thanx babes for ur thoughtfulness. <3

fucked up

2010-01-29T23:08:00.004+08:00

MMIT campaign slides

MMIT mag inserts and posters

CSB roleplay script

BD powerpoint slides

BMG report

LERM report

MMIT open book test

bah! so many things to do!

might snap soon wif all the stay-up-lates everyday.

oh! and i tink my lappie's gonna crash soon!

oh god, hang on, bitch!

juz a few more weeks more.

plz! dun fuck up on me.

WP test was a major pain up my arse

got everything all wrong

takes a real miracle to pass tis

ON ANOTHER NOTE:

now that DADDY has a smaller income

he hasnt been giving MUMMY household expense for 2 mths now

im nt helping him wif all the late-night-computer-usage

wonder how much is tis month's elctricity bill gonna be

if i had a choice

i dun wana work tis wkends to rush projects

but i guess i have to.

i nid positive cash inflow.

things haven been great at home.

everyone's keeping to themselves.

minding their own business.

leave and come back as and when they please

maybe it shudn't be called a home animore.

its a house.

yup.

JUZ. A. HOUSE.

big deal.

i dun care.

i really dun.

awkward

2010-01-25T13:40:00.003+08:00

had LERM today. wanted to get out of the 5566 formation to a 44455 formation. bcz some wanted to re-grp. a 5-man grp and a 6-man group wanted to down-size to 4. the project is far too small for a grp that big, so they said. hah.

when the subject was broached, conflicts arose. instead of a 44455 formation, we had a 34456 formation. wtf!? after spending like (20 mins?) on the issue, a decision was made. we are back to the 5566 formation. -.-

the 6-man grp remained. the 5-now-down-to-4-man grp took the odd-one-out into their grp to form a new 5-man group. the original member of the 5-man grp joined another 5-man grp to form a grp of 6.

while other groups are resolved, the 6-man grp wif no changes, sth is brewing. the unhappiness, the negative feelings, the feeling of helplessness and USELESSNESS. ppl are starting to feel the edge, the tension.

awkward much?

grief

2010-01-22T04:09:00.002+08:00

5 stages of grief:

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance

they will look different on all of us, but there are always five.
[Grey's Anatomy]

choco heaven

2010-01-21T14:21:00.001+08:00

DAMN! THIS LOOKS REALLY YUMMY! AND IM HUNGRY!!

dream and me

2010-01-20T13:25:00.001+08:00

had that dream again. and juz had to blog about it.

all this while i tot i had philophobia.
[see below for meaning of philophobia]
well, based on my dream last night, guess wad?
IM NOT.

i dreamt that Edward Cullen was my boyfriend. dun ask me why him. i duno. [cud be due to the fact that last night i was reading "Breaking Dawn" before i fell aslp.] the way he treated me, the way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me like "he was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time" (Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn).

and then when Edward held my hand in his, [juz by holding my hand!!] i felt a sense of security. i felt really safe, all my fears about commitments, relationship, love juz slipped away. and Jasper wasn't even there to control my moods. geez.

guess i'm not such a commitment-phobe after all. maybe im juz not ready for all that yet. maybe i'd still like to play around summore. or maybe, im juz afraid that i'd turn out to be someone i had feared. found a guy i like, fall for him, makes him fall head-over-heels for me, and then when i finally get bored, being a typical me, i will juz leave him, wif a broken heart.

i dun deserve such kinds of guys, and HELL, that guy deserves to be wif someone better than me. some girl who can appreciate his deep emotion and.. stuff. i dun deserve such good things when im "bad" myself.

it did cross my mind that i cud prey on the "bad boys" and give them a taste of their own medicine. but my friend NINA says im still too NAIVE for that. she's afraid that i mite be taken advantage of. oh wells.

I think I should know how
to make love to something innocent
without leaving my fingerprints out,
Now, L-O-V-E's just another word
I never learned to pronounce
How do I say I'm sorry 'cause
the word is just never gonna come out
Now, L-O-V-E's just another word
I never learned to pronounce

- Starstrukk by 3oh!3 feat. Katy Perry -

kids...

2010-01-13T10:19:00.003+08:00

im finally convinced that the folks of the olden days are DEAD wrong [no pun intended]. things like "Children are supposed to be seen, not heard" should have never been allowed to exist in the first place. who the hell came up with that line any way!?

why? they're so cute!! that's why!! they say the darnest things, which either crack me up or at the very least, make me smile in amusement. they bring laughter, smiles and joy to this world. they shud nvr be asked to shut up!! at least until they open their mouths to cry or throw tempers. that would then be the appropriate time to tell them to "SHUT THE HELL UP!" or better, stuff a sock in their mouths. LOL

well, wad's not to like when they say things like:
- love is when you tell a boy that you like his t-shirt, and he wears it everyday
- they wana be a food critic when they grow up bcz they get to eat "free food"
- girls should only kiss guys when you know he's rich

hilarious aren't they? :D

BLACK SUNDAY

2010-01-10T20:37:00.005+08:00

today was perfectly fine. MDS went on smoothly. worked wif plenty of great riders. Razzak, Alfa, Nizzam, Farihin, Ahmad, Abg Muz, Saiful Ahmad, Kamsani and FUCK-FACE aka Ridhwan. a lot of orders still, but my riders were really cooperative. tk byk kerenah. i had fun even, joking and laughing wif the riders esp wif razzak, talking crap wif ALY, making fun of the riders and stuff. all is well.

then i made a mistake. A GRAVE MISTAKE. i helped at the counter.

there was tis one point of time, where we had no MDS orders at all, so i "stupid-stupid" go help counter. kinah, yana were running counter 12, so i became runner while Don ran counter 11. i had onli served one customer when suddenly a guy, probably in his mid-forties, came up to me and say the 2 Horse-Doraemon toy he purchased wasnt given to him. so naturally, i wud apologize and pack the bloody-mother-fucking-thing.

but did the customer leave it at that!? NO!!

he point a finger in my face [YES!! IN. MY. FACE!!] and said, "careless arh u!" in a very-not-satisfied, accusing tone and left. WHAT THE FUCK!? [i absolutely refuse to use acronyms for tis case]. he deserves it. WHAT THE FUCK!? i haven seen him before in my life, what's more serve him. and he juz came up to me and scold me!? in front of my customers summore!! FUCK THE BLOODY-MOTHERFUCKER LA!!

he doesnt even bother to check to make sure that i was the one who served him juz now. anyhow come scold ppl. ok fine la, that i cn let it go. i cn take that since im a bit thick skin. BUT SCOLD ME IN PUBLIC!? FUCK YOU LA, ASSHOLE!! he tink wad i gt no dignity isit!? that's one.

den he tink wad!? im his dog isit!? HIS BITCH ARH!? point-point finger in my face!? MOTHERFUCKER!! and GOD!! u shud hav seen the look on his face sial. so condemning! like im a goddamn piece of dirt. FUCK LA!!

he tink wad!? juz bcz he is on the other side of the counter, getting served, he is decidedly more superior than the person serving izit!? he tinks ppl hu work at MAC are uneducated izit!? doesnt he realise that w/out tis so-called servers of fast-food restaurants whom he tink so lowly of, he wudnt even get his stupid McChickens and little Doraemon toys or watever. DUMB ASS!!

if tis is the way society tinks, i am proud to say that i work in MAC, where academic is nt a measure of superiority. where nobody tinks lowly of anybody. no personal bias. stupid white-collared workers!!

and finally to you, MR RUDE MOTHERFUCKING CUSTOMER:
im sorry that that you were brought up with no manners at all. im sorry that ur parents didnt teach u any. but i hope, one day, u get run over by a truck and nobody wud wan to help u. i hope they juz walk past ur mangled body, or perhaps stop to look, shake their heads and go "tsk-tsk-tsk" before walking away. i hope that even the hungriest of all dogs will be repelled by ur flesh and wudnt wan to eat u for fear of food poisoning. i hope u will juz rot by the side of the road. like a carcass of an infected beast. i wud say dog, or a certain animal. but that wud be an insult to tis animals cz ure worse than them. DROP DEAD, ASSHOLE!! JUZ DROP FUCKING DEAD!!

pfffttt. juz finished that long post above and re-read it. and i realized how sick and sadistic i am when im pissed. my goodness! i tink my blog oredy has a few posts, cursing ppl to their deaths.

which leads to a FaceBook quiz i took earlier today. "What's my Mental Disorder?" my results... im Bipolar.

which is "Not only can you be majorly depressed at times, you also tend to be quite moody maybe even irritable. You can switch back in forth without giving any one any notice. Way to go you crazy person. You are too much for any one person to handle, including yourself. Why don’t you just pick a mood and go with it."

wth!? isit true!? hmmz..

new year

2010-01-04T00:23:00.003+08:00

ahhhh...
finally my first entry for the new year..
THE BIG 2010!!

lots of ppl wud be blogging on new years eve
or on NEW YEAR'S DAY itself.
re-cap 2009 events..
expectations of 2010..
listing their new year's resolution..
but not me, i guess.
my 2010 blog entry - dated 3rd jan 2010 -.-

1ST JAN 2010
well, while others were bz partying hard
and taking that virtual step into the new year
i kinda slept thru all of it.
was unconscious.
even for the "crucial" countdown moment.
din't bother.

2ND JAN 2010
was working - "new job"
wedding helper thing, courtesy of nina
made new frens [hopefully]
made some $ [Oh Yeah!!]
wear my bones out [definitely. :(]

3RD JAN 2010
work at mac -.-
after the wedding helper job, MAC work seems..
MUNDANE.. -.-

anyways now i rmb y i postponed new year blogging
no new year's resolution(s) to share.
but now i have.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR THE YEAR 2010:
reduce my usage of profanities to an absolute minimum

hmmmz..
NAH..
strike that.
like i cud 0.o
its in the blood, babe!

~~NEW~~ EDITED YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR THE YEAR 2010:
be nice to evrione [no pre-conceived notions]

cool huh?
which means i will start on a clean slate wif evrione.
well, until that person pisses me off la.
duh. -.-

ok.
adios, amigos!

today

2009-12-27T23:52:00.002+08:00

looks like i've been MIA for quite some time.
hmmmzzzz..

watched only the result show of the SG Idol finale.
well, Sezairi won.
was kinda expecting Sylvia to win.
well, wad do we Singaporeans expect?
we have more female voters, than male ones.

though Sylvia din't win, im still proud.
another MALAY male SG Idol.
oh yeah baby!

anyways, so friggin' tired.
din't work at MAC juz now.
did part-time job as a "helper" at a wedding.
favour to a fren.
50 bucks for the whole day's work!
IN CASH!!
LUMAYAN BABE!!

pretty interesting experience, i muz say.
made new frens.
gain some experience.
earn some cash.
worth it siol!
some things happen though.
not sure if it means aniting, bt i'll let fate/life decide.

which i wun say it here, of cuz.
my secret, and my sister's.
(i dun hide things frm her la.)

will do it again. soon.
2nd JAN.
another round of fun, frens, experience and CASH!!
AWESOME!! :D

experience of a lifetme

2009-12-17T19:22:00.003+08:00

i guess i'm back. the stay in hospital was some experience. long story-telling ahead. hahaha.

WED

went to register myself at NUH Kent Ridge Wing, Day Surgery Centre at level 2 at 8am. sat in some waiting room for medical check-up. oh and i saw abg ben, oredy dressed in surgery garment. [i wonder wad surgery he's going for.]

den it was my turn to strip and change into the surgery garment. they took away my belongings and my clothes and i was left at the sitting room with a blanket and the oh-so-cozy sofa seats. i only realised i fell aslp when a nurse woke me up, saying "time for ur surgery".
time check: 10am.

MUMMY haven arrived yet, so in my head, i was like, "MAMA!" and i wanted to cry but i guess being 19, i had to show some self-bravery, even if it's only on the exterior. the doctor and nurses were veri nice though. i tink they probably cud sense that i was scared shitless.

laid down on the operating table and the doctor held my hand and told me, "im gg to give you an injection to numb the skin so it wudn't hurt so much when we put in the bigger needle for ur IV." i was like wtf!? den i felt the prick of the smaller needle on the side of my wrist. i didnt wan to tink of the bigger needle, so i was picturing TAYLOR LAUTNER in my head to block out the feeling or the image of that bigger needle piercing my skin. then , it was done. the power of the mind work wonders!!

"now we're gg to give you some oxygen to breathe," the doctor said as she put a gas mask over my nose and mouth. so, i stupidly began breathing in deeply thinking it was really oxygen and the "thing" that wud make me sleep wud be an injection to the butt [or sth] later on. i juz closed my eyes to rest, feeling sure that i wud feel it when they give me the "sleeping potion".

when i finally woke up, oh god, the surgery is done!! my wisdom tooth has oredy been extracted. so the sleeping potion was in the "oxygen", i tink. stupid. i rmb feeling groggy and all i wanted to do was to go back to sleep.

i vaguely remember seeing MUMMY as i was wheeled out of some rooms and into one of the wards. i too rmb feeling nauseous, vomited and choking on my blood before i was transferred to my hospital bed. not a pleasant taste, i tell u.

i was helped by 2 nurses to change into the green patient garment and they removed the wire gauze in my mouth used to stop the bleeding [now soiled by my vomit of blood]. and i laid on my bed, drifting in and out of sleep. time check: 1pm

drifted in to sleep as an aftermath of the general anesthesia as i was still feeling groggy. drifted out of sleep also as an aftermath of the general anesthesia. my body system cudnt stand the GA, therefore i was feeling nauseous and had to keep retching. the nurses were nice. gave me this yellow plastic bags for me to vomit in. at first, nth came out but loads of air and maybe some blood which barely filled the bags. but then MUMMY made me drink some ice water as my throat was sore [probably from the tube that went thru my nostrils and into my throat to help me breathe during the surgery].

it was then i began vomiting fluids. blood, yellow fluids. there was even once or twice, i vomited brownish-blackish fluid. eeewww. looked and smelt disgusting but the nurses assured me and MUMMY that it's normal. the fact that i dint eat aniting from 12am the night before didnt help either. well, doctor's orders. altogether, i tink i filled up like 2 of those yellow plastic vomit bags.

it was after that i managed to really rest proper. MUMMY left for a while to settle my bills and to buy me some food. bought me a slice of coffee cake and pandan cake and Mr Bean's beancurd and soymilk. all soft food since i cudnt chew. but i cudnt eat much either since my stomach was still churning. just ate half of the coffee cake slice and prabably 2 spoonfuls of the beancurd before i went back to sleep.
time check: 4pm

at 5pm, MUMMY has to leave as she needs to work early the next day. but i had some company. arif, acun, kinah, yana, nina [friends frm work] came to visit me at the hospital with my brother. they took turns to accompany me since i was only allowed 2 visitors at a tyme. first my brother and acun came in, den kinah and yana and lastly nina and arif. the 2 of them stayed the longest wif me, accompanied me while i slowly struggled to finish my porridge-with-fish dinner. at 6pm, i tink they decided to ignore the rules and all 6 of them juz crowded by my bedside. by then, i was oredy feeling better. FRIENDS MAKE ME HAPPY!!

at 7pm, they were nearly thrown out by some nurses coz i cnt hav too many visitors at one time. so they left. and DADDY came to visit. he left ard 8pm as visiting hours were over. so i was left alone with Nina's iTouch. went to sleep early at ard 10pm. so friggin tired.

kept waking up in the middle of the night, coz the nurses had to constantly check my blood pressure and body temperature.

THU

woke up at 8am. had fish porridge with tea for breakfast. a nurse came in to talk about the discharge procedure. and also to to remove my IV clip. once again i had to close my eyes and think of TAYLOR LAUTNER to block out the image of the big needle of the IV clip slipping out of my skin. then i stupidly opened my eyes and saw a gaping hole where the needle had been. but the nurse was fast enough to apply alcohol to that area and plastered it over. scary image stuck in brain.

took a shower, painstakingly brush my teeth [since i cnt open my mouth wide bcz the sew up my gums up to the inner cheeks] and waited for my meds and DADDY to pick me up. was given antibiotics, inflammation meds, painkillers, panadol and antibacterial mouthwash and yay! i am discharged.

hopefully tis is my first and last stay at the hospital.

jacob black. taylor lautner. the love of my life.

2009-12-13T22:25:00.002+08:00

went to watch twilight saga: new moon today.
wif my siblings and DADDY DEAREST
and...
i juz betrayed team edward to join TEAM JACOB.
OH YEAH BABY!!

i mean.. seriously!
look at them!

this has got to be better than..
this, right!?

oh god!
my heart really went out to JACOB.
all the times he tried to kiss bella.
[label a bug "Bella" and squished it]

but the one that really pulled at my heart strings was..
during the almost-final scene,
when bella told him "it has always been him(edward)"
[label a bug "Edward" and squished it]

the expression on his face.
oh dear God!
i felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest.

while the scene was playing on-screen,
in my head i was like screaming,
"BELLA, U STUPID BITCH!
JACOB! FORGET HER!
SHE'S NOT WORTH IT!
PICK ME! PICK ME!"

tsk tsk tsk.
such obsession.

god! he's oh-so-dreamy.
and so worth-drooling-over GORGEOUS!
what's not to like!?

bad habit

2009-12-01T23:32:00.004+08:00

oh yeah. this is one of the bad habits of mine that i really wana kick. MELATAH.
(not sure wads the english word for it)
GOOD GOD! MELATAH!
like makcik2 and nenek2 seh. padahal umur baru 19 tahun. but susah seh nak kick the habit. it's like reflex action, u noe. anybody can teach me how to get rid of it!?
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!

embarrassed and humiliated. itulah perasaan yg cukup jelas terpampang kat muka aku, dalam sanubari aku selepas aku melatah "OH MAK KAU TERBALEK!" loudly that im pretty sure the entire population in the bus (and perhaps other buses too) heard me. OH GOD! my social life is DOOMED!!
the stupid knnccb bus driver la!! duno how to drive the bus properly. suddenly jambrake. and of all the times he had to jambrake, he did it during the only time my hands were not holding any handle bars for support. in my defense, it wasn't like i wasn't holding it on purpose okay!? i had my hands off the bar to adjust my bag strap which was slipping off my shoulders. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

to make it worst, there was a malay lady sitting right in front of me. and she was looking at me weirdly. i bet that she muz be tinking "aku yg tua tak melatah, kau yg maseh muda, melatah mcm orang tua". well hello. sor-ry if im unable to find my centre of gravity while im standing.
pfffftttt.

waiting.

2009-11-29T21:12:00.004+08:00

been through many showers, drizzles and thunderstorms
BUT i am STILL waiting for that particular rainbow.
(i wonder where u are.)

stressed

2009-11-27T19:29:00.003+08:00

wow! this is really a picture that describes my current state of mind.
spinning round inside my head:
BD financial report
MMIT presentation + report
WP story board

my patience, perseverance, energy and SANITY is really stretching thin seh. pfffttt. GOD! a few more weeks to the much-awaited HOLIDAYS.

DECEMBER, COME QUICK!!

the new love of my life

2009-11-19T22:16:00.003+08:00

i officially declare that i have juz developed a full-blown crush on this guy:
his name is CYRIL TAKAYAMA.

he is SO FRIGGIN' HOT!!!

watched the first episode of his magic series which was filmed in singapore.

a few tricks:
- normal card tricks
- the logical maths trick on the SG Flyer
- linking and un-linking 2 polo mints without breaking them
- conjuring coins and $50 from the fountain of wealth

and my personal favourite...
- changing his basil chicken noodles w/ egg into laksa

AWESOMENESS!!

APEC

2009-11-16T23:44:00.003+08:00

THURSDAY
- APEC training at 211 Henderson Rd
- 6-10pm
- zone + role allocation
- was originally supposed to be the clearing crew
- volunteered to be a drink butler
- learn to carry 6 drinking glasses on a silver tray with one hand
- last min change to become stewarding crew [wth!?]
- go home, DADDY DEAREST picked me up at Henderson Rd bus-stop
- supper at the 24/7 hawker centre near Almukminin Mosque
- done for the day!! awesome!!

FRIDAY
- APEC training at Esplanade
- 6-10pm
- place familiarisation
- clean our zone area [ZONE 4]
- clean the plates, drinking glasses
- go home, DADDY DEAREST picked me up at Esplanade bus-stop
- done for the day!! awesome!!

SATURDAY
- ACTUAL APEC EVENT
- left hme at ard 11++am
- attire: white long-sleeved blouse, black pants, black HEELS
- meet at Raffles City StarBucks @ 1.30pm
- head over to Esplanade [loads of Security Checks!]
- collect possessions, do make-up and hairstyling
- I LOOKED LIKE SHIT!! [pfffffttttt.. kenneth seemed to tink otherwise though]
- given vest + nametags
- my name was FARAH for the day
- prepared zone areas + DINNER
- work starts around 7+pm, partnered with anthony
- initially, there wasn't much stewarding to do
- helped out at the drinks bar
- caught glimpses of PM LEE HSIEN LOONG + wife
- saw other ministers + their respective spouses
- greeted SM GOH CHOK TONG
- was hoping to see my idol MM LEE KWAN YEW but.. [sigh]
- then work came piling in & my heels were killing me
- was practically running ard the stewarding area, barefooted
- shorthanded, luckily had help from Yi Qi [awesome!!]
- time zipped by really fast
- photo-taking session, then time to go home
- last-trained to Redhill MRT station wif Van, Phillip, Alvin
- DADDY DEAREST picked me up at Redhill MRT station
- supper at the 24/7 hawker centre near Almukminin Mosque
- done for the day!! not-so-awesome!!
- my feet hurt like FUCK!!!

fucked up.

2009-11-11T20:52:00.004+08:00

Sat
- IE crashed [my life is over!!]

Sun
- rumors confirmed [my riders are leaving!]
- kak yati's last day

Mon
- pissed at BD members and skipped BD [personal reasons]
- pissed Yamnie off for being such a BITCH

Tue
- dental review @ NUH
- 3 wisdom tooth to be removed
- DAMN SCARY procedure [details later]*

Wed
- BTT @ BBDC
-"PASSED" [awesome!!]
- funny, fun MMIT tutorial
- YenHao's strange mood [scary..]**

Notes:
*DAMN SCARY procedure
- general anesthetic
- i'll be unconscious for the surgery
- cut open gums
- cut teeth into smaller pieces for easier removal
- sew gum closed
Paranoia:
anesthetic awareness. wad if im physically "asleep" but mentally i'm awake? i'll be able to feel the pain of the scalpel or wadever cutting into my gum. shit!!
side effects. will it affect any of my other bodily functons? senses? how long before the pain goes away?

**YenHao's strange, scary mood
- for the first time since we became claz mates 2.5years ago
- yenhao looked DAMN pissed and fucked up
- becoz of us, outcasting him?
- becoz george teo made fun of him? [it was a joke]
- i realli wonder...

haven't met you yet

2009-11-09T14:05:00.009+08:00

Haven't Met You Yet
by Micheal Buble
I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
Have broken my heart so many times
I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half time
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that will all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
And in love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it by it ??
To be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get!

Oh you know it will all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love love love love love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet

[ps. i'm still waiting for that rainbow...]