had that dream again. and juz had to blog about it.

all this while i tot i had philophobia.
[see below for meaning of philophobia]
well, based on my dream last night, guess wad?
IM NOT.

i dreamt that Edward Cullen was my boyfriend. dun ask me why him. i duno. [cud be due to the fact that last night i was reading "Breaking Dawn" before i fell aslp.] the way he treated me, the way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me like "he was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time" (Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn).

and then when Edward held my hand in his, [juz by holding my hand!!] i felt a sense of security. i felt really safe, all my fears about commitments, relationship, love juz slipped away. and Jasper wasn't even there to control my moods. geez.

guess i'm not such a commitment-phobe after all. maybe im juz not ready for all that yet. maybe i'd still like to play around summore. or maybe, im juz afraid that i'd turn out to be someone i had feared. found a guy i like, fall for him, makes him fall head-over-heels for me, and then when i finally get bored, being a typical me, i will juz leave him, wif a broken heart.

i dun deserve such kinds of guys, and HELL, that guy deserves to be wif someone better than me. some girl who can appreciate his deep emotion and.. stuff. i dun deserve such good things when im "bad" myself.

it did cross my mind that i cud prey on the "bad boys" and give them a taste of their own medicine. but my friend NINA says im still too NAIVE for that. she's afraid that i mite be taken advantage of. oh wells.